Currently it is 12:31 am. My body is pretty sure it is 5:40 am.
I am SOOOOOOOO tired.
Make my parents come soon...
I am not sure if i can last.
I am SOOOOOOOO tired.
Make my parents come soon...
I am not sure if i can last.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
My Friends are Better Than Yours.
This last month has been a bit crazy, but then again, when is my life not like that? Though, can I say how blessed I am? Because I am. All the time. Every minute of every day. Let's start at the beginning, ish.
Remember when I said all my housemates moved up to Salt Lake to new and better things? That was about two months ago. Somehow it doesn't seem that long ago and I am the one living it. I guess Lynsie did only move out about a month ago. (Holy crap! I just realized, as I am typing this, that it has been a month since I got to go home to Portland... And I have forgot, completely, to write about all of it. I will get to it, I promise.) Anyhow, for the past two months I have been praying my little heart out about getting housemates, because there is no way that I could afford to live in my house by myself, to my great surprise, nothing really happened. I kept getting the feeling that I needed to stay in my current ward, which caused me much frustration. Not because I wanted to move, but because I had no earthly idea how I would be able to stay if I wasn't getting housemates. Call it a lack of faith, but I was frustrated... I couldn't figure out how it would all fit together.
This is where it gets a bit jumnbly, so stay with me. If i lose you, sorry.
My landlord was so amazing and kind. He offered to let me stay on an extra month, just to see if I could find anyone. We enlisted the help of his realtor and I was positive we would find someone. Two and a half weeks went by, and I had not a single call, people who I had thought were going to move in backed out. I had nothing. I had to figure something out, and quick. I put my application in on an apartment; an apartment where I would live all by myself. No housemates. Just me. After a long series of events, I got the apartment, though it won't be ready until the 15th. Today is the 1st, for those of the you keeping score.
So what then? I had to be out of my apartment. I have a bucket load of stuff, no car, and no where to go. I panicked, ask Jill, Sheena, Rachel, and basically everyone else.
I talked to Wyett and asked if I could keep some things at LearnKey, he not only is letting me store some stuff there, but also offered me his garage to keep the bigger things. He is for real, the best ever. period.
Mary took me to the store to get boxes and storagey things, on the way there she offered to let me stay at her house until my apartment was ready. I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am for the kindness of her and The Coach (blair). They are so fantastically wonderful.
I had a place for me and my stuff to stay, then it was a matter of me actually getting things to the places they needed to be. Chelsey, Mindy, and Adam happened to be coming down this weekend, for other reasons, but ended up helping me move most everything. These kids helped me get pretty much everything packed and moved. Adam was such an amazing, spectacular help. He managed to keep me calm and was there to do whatever I needed help with. I seriously love that boy.
Did I mention that this whole week I was absolutely exhausted and sweet, wonderful, dear, dear Sheena basically toted my lazy, tired bum to and from work all week? She did. She is amazing. For more than just that. Be aware. She also gives me moral support on a daily basis, you know to attempt to keep me sane. I feel for her most days... I am difficult.
I had a great hometeacher who showed up yesterday, with his truck and some friends. They helped me and Beau get things moved over to Wyett's garage. Beau. He is also owed a million thanks. (I think I owe all these people my first born... I better have a litter.
I guess what I am trying to say, is thank you everyone. You are all so amazing to me. I have no idea how I would live my life without you, nor do I know how to thank any of you properly for letting me put you out so much these last couple of weeks.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Bedtime
This is what it looks like when I go to bed. I just wanted to share it with y'all.
Yes, I am 25.75 years old. I do sleep in Tinkerbell sheets, that is the pillow of said sheets in the background. I also sleep with a stuffed bunny named Cilantro. She is a nudest, vegetarian, and also she is full of gay pride with her rainbow hair bows. She is in deep love with a the stuffie of my bff/wifey Rachel, hence the gay pride bows. Then there is Al. Al is a llama, he will answer to the name Alfred or Albert. He is also well versed in the likes of Judith Butler and Anton Chekhov. he is also a gift from the lovely Adam. Then finally, last but not least, Zombie. He is allergic to names and brains, so his life is real complicated. He is adopted to me from my other lover Trent.
And that is what happens in my bed.
Thanks for tuning in.
Tonight.
I left work a little late tonight, I didn't work at the second job, and I decided I wanted to make a Reuben sandwich for dinner... and I probably wanted some broccoli and sweet potato fries to go with it. (If you give a mouse a cookie...)
I rode my little bike across the street to Linn's to grab the necessary supplies before riding home. I marched up to the deli and asked for some corned beef and swiss, which the deli chickie kindly sliced for me, though she said it would be a few minutes as she had to open a new corned beef, so I should probably go finish the rest of my shopping. I can take a hint when I am hit upside the head with it. She didn't want me to stand awkwardly around and stare her down while she cut my meat. I get it. I hate when people stand over me and watch me do my job.
So I spent my time walking around random isles and I came to one endcap in particular. I swear to you, there was sunshine sprouting out from this endcap. I heard angelic voices. I was drawn to it. It was fate. I found Tinkerbell Ziploc baggies. That's right. TINKERBELL. ZIPLOC. BAGGIES.
I bought em. Don't you worry your pretty little heads.
Anyway... The girls at the check stand only kind of judged me slash were real jealous about it.
Also... Here is a picture with me and my delicious sandwich.
I rode my little bike across the street to Linn's to grab the necessary supplies before riding home. I marched up to the deli and asked for some corned beef and swiss, which the deli chickie kindly sliced for me, though she said it would be a few minutes as she had to open a new corned beef, so I should probably go finish the rest of my shopping. I can take a hint when I am hit upside the head with it. She didn't want me to stand awkwardly around and stare her down while she cut my meat. I get it. I hate when people stand over me and watch me do my job.
So I spent my time walking around random isles and I came to one endcap in particular. I swear to you, there was sunshine sprouting out from this endcap. I heard angelic voices. I was drawn to it. It was fate. I found Tinkerbell Ziploc baggies. That's right. TINKERBELL. ZIPLOC. BAGGIES.
I bought em. Don't you worry your pretty little heads.
Anyway... The girls at the check stand only kind of judged me slash were real jealous about it.
Also... Here is a picture with me and my delicious sandwich.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Happiness
On a happier note, Adam came down for the weekend. And I loved it.
You wanna know why we are in l-o-v-e? Because we went to Wal*mart to get a game to play. We walked out an hour later with three sets of legos, the original Tron, and some capri suns. (It took a LONG time to pick out the legos... Because we couldn't decide which set to get. Eventually, we each had to pick a set and then we got a big plain set for the extras.)
We probably played legos for two days... I totally made a TARDIS. Just so you know. And when we weren't playing legos, we were reading books and listening to records.
I freaking heart that kid.
You wanna know why we are in l-o-v-e? Because we went to Wal*mart to get a game to play. We walked out an hour later with three sets of legos, the original Tron, and some capri suns. (It took a LONG time to pick out the legos... Because we couldn't decide which set to get. Eventually, we each had to pick a set and then we got a big plain set for the extras.)
We probably played legos for two days... I totally made a TARDIS. Just so you know. And when we weren't playing legos, we were reading books and listening to records.
I freaking heart that kid.
An Open Letter
*I need to get this out of my system, it has been bothering me for a while… and I just want it to be said. To the persons involved, I just hope you know I love you with all my heart and I wish I could make it hurt less. I love you.
An open letter to someone who should know better:
Mr. Asinine Pernicious Coward,
I would just like to inform you that I feel you are a completely ridiculous human being, and I think you need to understand that your actions deeply, deeply affect other people. I wish you could see the hurt you have caused certain people in your life. I hold both of these individuals near and dear to my heart, one of which is probably one of my best friends in the entire world, a word which I hope she will forgive me for using here, as you have completely spoiled those words and the meaning behind them.
I feel you have acted, and continue to act, in careless and damaging way, without regard for your actions. I would really love to smack you upside the head and make you see and understand what you are doing, what you have done, the irreparable damage you have caused, but most of all, what it is exactly that you are losing. You, my dear selfish, silly, silly, human, are missing out on one of the best people this world has to offer. She is kind. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is honest. She knows what it is to be a friend. She is a good listener. She is brave. She is strong. She is faithful and hopeful. She knows her heart and doesn’t question it. She is weird, but in the best possible meaning of the word. She completely envelopes and redefines the word, beautiful. She is nonjudgmental. She constantly helps those around her to be better people. She knows what it is to have a relationship with her Heavenly Father, and she lives it every day of her life. She isn’t ashamed that the previously stated relationship exists. She understands what it is to love people for who they are, for what they will become. She has a fantastic wardrobe. She has fantastic music taste. She is a pretty damn good cook when she wants to be. She is so much more than all of this too. She might be one of the best people I know.
And I could say a lot of the same things about the other person in this situation, and I do not know her as intensely or as well as the above mentioned individual. But both of these girls are strong, amazing women, and you are missing out more than you can ever know.
But you don’t get to share in that anymore, and it is your own fault. You have made her hurt so deeply and have not done anything to redeem yourself, in fact, you keep doing quite the opposite. You are being unfair in your treatment of another human being, and I wish you understood that. From everything I can see or hear about, you don’t even regret it. Maybe you do, but you are just better at hiding it.
Not to tell you what to do with your life or how to make your choices, but I just think if you have a girlfriend of three months, not even three months, and you chose that over a twelve plus year friendship, you have a problem. If you make this choice based on the fact that your 18 year-old girlfriend is intimidated with you being friends with people of the opposite sex, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. It means you are missing trust. Shouldn’t a relationship be based on trust? I dated someone for a long time that chose to tell me who I could and could not be friends with. He constantly accused me for sleeping with my friends of the opposite gender, he belittled me for the fact that I cared deeply for people, people that weren’t him. It was hard to figure out why he thought I was sleeping with them, when I wouldn’t even sleep with him. But all of his accusations were because he was in fact cheating. I lived in that relationship, where neither one of us trusted each other, where he told me the things I could do and couldn’t do, for far too long. I learned my lessons. Now, I am not implying that she is cheating on you or that your relationship is a bad thing. But I am saying that if she cannot be comfortable with the people who are important to you in your life, the people who have helped you to become who you are, the people who have been there for you when no one else has been, the people who are still willing to forgive you after everything you have done, then something is wrong. That is a giant red flag. I just hope you can see it.
Also, as a side note, I am not sure where you get off doing what you did to a person you consider one of your best friends at a time that you did. You knew the hurt and the hard times she was going through, and you added to that by tossing her to the side. I have no idea how you can like yourself knowing just that part alone. That may sound like big hurtful words, and I am sorry for them. Kind of. I feel like they are true. And if I was in your shoes, I would have a very, VERY hard time living with myself knowing just that part alone, and we both know there is way more to it than that one single part.
I think you are being extremely foolish in letting these people go from your life. I think you are being a coward for not owning up to it. I might actually have an iota of respect for you if you could at least own up to your choices as of late or even if you would just apologize and actually mean it.
I don’t mean to insert myself in place where I do not belong, but it is so extremely hard for me to sit ideally by and watch you continue to hurt these people that I love so very much. Friends don’t treat friends this way.
Be a better friend.
Be a better person.
Also, you can stick it.
Thanks.
An open letter to someone who should know better:
Mr. Asinine Pernicious Coward,
I would just like to inform you that I feel you are a completely ridiculous human being, and I think you need to understand that your actions deeply, deeply affect other people. I wish you could see the hurt you have caused certain people in your life. I hold both of these individuals near and dear to my heart, one of which is probably one of my best friends in the entire world, a word which I hope she will forgive me for using here, as you have completely spoiled those words and the meaning behind them.
I feel you have acted, and continue to act, in careless and damaging way, without regard for your actions. I would really love to smack you upside the head and make you see and understand what you are doing, what you have done, the irreparable damage you have caused, but most of all, what it is exactly that you are losing. You, my dear selfish, silly, silly, human, are missing out on one of the best people this world has to offer. She is kind. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is honest. She knows what it is to be a friend. She is a good listener. She is brave. She is strong. She is faithful and hopeful. She knows her heart and doesn’t question it. She is weird, but in the best possible meaning of the word. She completely envelopes and redefines the word, beautiful. She is nonjudgmental. She constantly helps those around her to be better people. She knows what it is to have a relationship with her Heavenly Father, and she lives it every day of her life. She isn’t ashamed that the previously stated relationship exists. She understands what it is to love people for who they are, for what they will become. She has a fantastic wardrobe. She has fantastic music taste. She is a pretty damn good cook when she wants to be. She is so much more than all of this too. She might be one of the best people I know.
And I could say a lot of the same things about the other person in this situation, and I do not know her as intensely or as well as the above mentioned individual. But both of these girls are strong, amazing women, and you are missing out more than you can ever know.
But you don’t get to share in that anymore, and it is your own fault. You have made her hurt so deeply and have not done anything to redeem yourself, in fact, you keep doing quite the opposite. You are being unfair in your treatment of another human being, and I wish you understood that. From everything I can see or hear about, you don’t even regret it. Maybe you do, but you are just better at hiding it.
Not to tell you what to do with your life or how to make your choices, but I just think if you have a girlfriend of three months, not even three months, and you chose that over a twelve plus year friendship, you have a problem. If you make this choice based on the fact that your 18 year-old girlfriend is intimidated with you being friends with people of the opposite sex, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. It means you are missing trust. Shouldn’t a relationship be based on trust? I dated someone for a long time that chose to tell me who I could and could not be friends with. He constantly accused me for sleeping with my friends of the opposite gender, he belittled me for the fact that I cared deeply for people, people that weren’t him. It was hard to figure out why he thought I was sleeping with them, when I wouldn’t even sleep with him. But all of his accusations were because he was in fact cheating. I lived in that relationship, where neither one of us trusted each other, where he told me the things I could do and couldn’t do, for far too long. I learned my lessons. Now, I am not implying that she is cheating on you or that your relationship is a bad thing. But I am saying that if she cannot be comfortable with the people who are important to you in your life, the people who have helped you to become who you are, the people who have been there for you when no one else has been, the people who are still willing to forgive you after everything you have done, then something is wrong. That is a giant red flag. I just hope you can see it.
Also, as a side note, I am not sure where you get off doing what you did to a person you consider one of your best friends at a time that you did. You knew the hurt and the hard times she was going through, and you added to that by tossing her to the side. I have no idea how you can like yourself knowing just that part alone. That may sound like big hurtful words, and I am sorry for them. Kind of. I feel like they are true. And if I was in your shoes, I would have a very, VERY hard time living with myself knowing just that part alone, and we both know there is way more to it than that one single part.
I think you are being extremely foolish in letting these people go from your life. I think you are being a coward for not owning up to it. I might actually have an iota of respect for you if you could at least own up to your choices as of late or even if you would just apologize and actually mean it.
I don’t mean to insert myself in place where I do not belong, but it is so extremely hard for me to sit ideally by and watch you continue to hurt these people that I love so very much. Friends don’t treat friends this way.
Be a better friend.
Be a better person.
Also, you can stick it.
Thanks.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
My Summer Vacation Essay
My Summer Vacation:
This summer has seriously gone away from me, I am not sure how We got to September, I seriously have no idea. It feels like yesterday that we looked into buying plane tickets to go home, that was back at the end of June… now the visit is in a couple of weeks. Crazy. Anyway, let’s compare my hopes and dreams with reality:
Hopes and Dreams:
Spend tons of time outside
Go star gazing every Wednesday night with Adam
Get a nice, awesome, suntan
Pay off all my medical bills
Go up to SLC to spend lots of time with my SLC family
Go camping nearly every weekend with the housemates, or at least to the lake on the Saturday
Spend Sunday afternoons on the lawn writing or with a good book
Write. Actually create something.
Reality:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
In the month of August, I had exactly three full days off from both jobs. I am not really saying this to gain any type of sympathy, mainly to illustrate how I haven’t had any time to blog or anything of that sort.
Also, in the past three (ish) weeks, my life has been completely flipped upside down. Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy have all decided to move out. I cannot begin to express how mixed up my feelings are on this part of my life. They were, and have been, my family in Cedar for so long. No matter how crappy of a day I was having or how hard things got, I always had them to fall on. I could count on any one of them to give me a hug when I really needed it, even without asking. When I got my appendix out, they all took care of me, they made me slow down and take care of myself. They have sat with me while I have cried, we have had the most ridiculous of silly times together, they’ve listened to my frustrations, everything. I just cannot put into words how much I love these three girls and how much I have learned from each of them. I mean, I like sewing now, who saw that one coming? No one.
But at the same time that I am feeling sorry for myself, I am so freaking excited for each of them. Chelsey finally got a job as an auditor at a big accounting firm. She deserves it soooo very much. I know she is going to do amazing. Mindy also finally got a job as a nurse at a nursing home. She is already kicking trash and handing out medications like it’s no body’s business. Lynise is going to move home and begin the epic search for a job in a lab up there, which, given her talent and brains, won’t be hard.
I don’t want to become one of those people who just talks about how much they love their roommates, and how amazing they are, and blah blah blah, but seriously, mine are off the hook. And I know that their individual moves up to Salt Lake are for the best, but there is a HUGE part of me that is extremely selfish. I still need them here. I feel so lost already. I honestly do. Mindy texted me the other day and told me to be honest, she said she hoped I was really doing okay. The thing is that I am, but it feels like I have had to leave my family, again. It feels like starting over all again. It’s just hard to miss all of them at once. But, again, I am so proud and excited for them that it is hard. I told people that I had the emotional stability of Tinkerbell lately. And by that, I mean, I feel really, really, really excited for them one minute, and am crying my eyes out the next because I don’t know what to do without them. Conflict.
Though, there are happy things going on too. Really, really, really happy things.
Mostly, Adam.
I know I haven’t said much about him here or there, or anywhere. But, let me tell you, I am head over heels for this kid. Wanna know why?
He is probably one of the greatest people I know.
he has the biggest heart of anyone and is always willing to go the extra mile for people in his life.
He always knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Take a few Wednesdays ago, he came down, and found me in my bed sleeping. He woke me up and asked me how I was doing. I tried to lie for a while, tell him I was fine, that everything was peachy. But he knew I was wallowing in the fact that my life was changing and it was all too much for one time. He kissed me on the forehead and made me get out of bed. We went out for pizza and a drive up the canyon, I felt better.
We can be really, really silly together. He gets my weirdness, all my little quirks, and so far, none of them have driven him to insanity.
When I was sick, he drove four and a half hours just to lay in bed and watch movies with me.
Four times out of five, when he comes down, I have to do things like laundry or clean the fridge, he has never once complained about this fact.
I feel like I can be my 100% self around him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whinny, whatever.
He takes time to get to know the people in my life, to build a relationship with them.
I love his family, I have only met them once, but I quite enjoy them. He brought his little sister down for a sleepover one night, and it was some very good times. We watched inspector gadget for hours.
He follows me when I talk about super nerdy things or go off for hours about music… though most of the time, he can out music me, and I like that. A lot.
He drives the five hours to my house and then five hours back to his almost every week. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what else does. And when he does come down, it is for less than 24 hours. Not many people would do that... not many people have done that.
He is coming home with me to visit my family… to meet them for the first time. And I could not be more excited.
I got to spend time with Sheena last week. That felt really nice. I miss having time like that with her, I hope it happens more in the future.
Jillybean. I love her and I am so proud for everything that she has accomplished.
Rach has had an extremely rough go of things as of late, but she is hanging in there. I talk to her, less than I would like, but she seems to be staying positive. I like that. I am proud of her.
Trent. He is doing great things. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I am super proud of him for being who he is, for knowing what he wants.
Anne, she is working her life away and going to school, and she does everything so gracefully. I wish I could keep my head above water as well as she does.
Annie… she could be drawing hearts and love all over the back of her notebooks.
Mary, ,she gets to stay home with her girls now. They all need that. Even Blair I think. I got to see them all on Monday, they all seemed super happy.
I have already mentioned Chels, Mind, and Lyns, but I am soo proud of them.
Jo got a full time job. Hooray.
Fe is keeping up with everything, she has a loaded plate, way more loaded than she deserves, but she still seems to see sunlight and she is always just an email away.
KaeLee is doing better too. I need to talk to her. Ugh.
Em somehow gets up at 3 am every day… I think that should deserve all the pride in the world. I could never do it.
There have been so many big changes for the people in my life lately, I am so happy for all of them. Moves. Babies. Relationships. Growing up. Everyone seems to be getting a dose of change, whether they welcome it or not. Though, for the most part, everyone seems to handle things a lot more gracefully than I can.
I really am so happy for the people in my life, I could vomit the happy.
Anyway. I wish I could say that I am going to blog more, that I am going to be better… but I think we all know the truth there. So… until the next time I get a few minutes to write down something I feel like someone in the world will care about… see ya.
This summer has seriously gone away from me, I am not sure how We got to September, I seriously have no idea. It feels like yesterday that we looked into buying plane tickets to go home, that was back at the end of June… now the visit is in a couple of weeks. Crazy. Anyway, let’s compare my hopes and dreams with reality:
Hopes and Dreams:
Spend tons of time outside
Go star gazing every Wednesday night with Adam
Get a nice, awesome, suntan
Pay off all my medical bills
Go up to SLC to spend lots of time with my SLC family
Go camping nearly every weekend with the housemates, or at least to the lake on the Saturday
Spend Sunday afternoons on the lawn writing or with a good book
Write. Actually create something.
Reality:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
In the month of August, I had exactly three full days off from both jobs. I am not really saying this to gain any type of sympathy, mainly to illustrate how I haven’t had any time to blog or anything of that sort.
Also, in the past three (ish) weeks, my life has been completely flipped upside down. Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy have all decided to move out. I cannot begin to express how mixed up my feelings are on this part of my life. They were, and have been, my family in Cedar for so long. No matter how crappy of a day I was having or how hard things got, I always had them to fall on. I could count on any one of them to give me a hug when I really needed it, even without asking. When I got my appendix out, they all took care of me, they made me slow down and take care of myself. They have sat with me while I have cried, we have had the most ridiculous of silly times together, they’ve listened to my frustrations, everything. I just cannot put into words how much I love these three girls and how much I have learned from each of them. I mean, I like sewing now, who saw that one coming? No one.
But at the same time that I am feeling sorry for myself, I am so freaking excited for each of them. Chelsey finally got a job as an auditor at a big accounting firm. She deserves it soooo very much. I know she is going to do amazing. Mindy also finally got a job as a nurse at a nursing home. She is already kicking trash and handing out medications like it’s no body’s business. Lynise is going to move home and begin the epic search for a job in a lab up there, which, given her talent and brains, won’t be hard.
I don’t want to become one of those people who just talks about how much they love their roommates, and how amazing they are, and blah blah blah, but seriously, mine are off the hook. And I know that their individual moves up to Salt Lake are for the best, but there is a HUGE part of me that is extremely selfish. I still need them here. I feel so lost already. I honestly do. Mindy texted me the other day and told me to be honest, she said she hoped I was really doing okay. The thing is that I am, but it feels like I have had to leave my family, again. It feels like starting over all again. It’s just hard to miss all of them at once. But, again, I am so proud and excited for them that it is hard. I told people that I had the emotional stability of Tinkerbell lately. And by that, I mean, I feel really, really, really excited for them one minute, and am crying my eyes out the next because I don’t know what to do without them. Conflict.
Though, there are happy things going on too. Really, really, really happy things.
Mostly, Adam.
I know I haven’t said much about him here or there, or anywhere. But, let me tell you, I am head over heels for this kid. Wanna know why?
He is probably one of the greatest people I know.
he has the biggest heart of anyone and is always willing to go the extra mile for people in his life.
He always knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Take a few Wednesdays ago, he came down, and found me in my bed sleeping. He woke me up and asked me how I was doing. I tried to lie for a while, tell him I was fine, that everything was peachy. But he knew I was wallowing in the fact that my life was changing and it was all too much for one time. He kissed me on the forehead and made me get out of bed. We went out for pizza and a drive up the canyon, I felt better.
We can be really, really silly together. He gets my weirdness, all my little quirks, and so far, none of them have driven him to insanity.
When I was sick, he drove four and a half hours just to lay in bed and watch movies with me.
Four times out of five, when he comes down, I have to do things like laundry or clean the fridge, he has never once complained about this fact.
I feel like I can be my 100% self around him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whinny, whatever.
He takes time to get to know the people in my life, to build a relationship with them.
I love his family, I have only met them once, but I quite enjoy them. He brought his little sister down for a sleepover one night, and it was some very good times. We watched inspector gadget for hours.
He follows me when I talk about super nerdy things or go off for hours about music… though most of the time, he can out music me, and I like that. A lot.
He drives the five hours to my house and then five hours back to his almost every week. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what else does. And when he does come down, it is for less than 24 hours. Not many people would do that... not many people have done that.
He is coming home with me to visit my family… to meet them for the first time. And I could not be more excited.
I got to spend time with Sheena last week. That felt really nice. I miss having time like that with her, I hope it happens more in the future.
Jillybean. I love her and I am so proud for everything that she has accomplished.
Rach has had an extremely rough go of things as of late, but she is hanging in there. I talk to her, less than I would like, but she seems to be staying positive. I like that. I am proud of her.
Trent. He is doing great things. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I am super proud of him for being who he is, for knowing what he wants.
Anne, she is working her life away and going to school, and she does everything so gracefully. I wish I could keep my head above water as well as she does.
Annie… she could be drawing hearts and love all over the back of her notebooks.
Mary, ,she gets to stay home with her girls now. They all need that. Even Blair I think. I got to see them all on Monday, they all seemed super happy.
I have already mentioned Chels, Mind, and Lyns, but I am soo proud of them.
Jo got a full time job. Hooray.
Fe is keeping up with everything, she has a loaded plate, way more loaded than she deserves, but she still seems to see sunlight and she is always just an email away.
KaeLee is doing better too. I need to talk to her. Ugh.
Em somehow gets up at 3 am every day… I think that should deserve all the pride in the world. I could never do it.
There have been so many big changes for the people in my life lately, I am so happy for all of them. Moves. Babies. Relationships. Growing up. Everyone seems to be getting a dose of change, whether they welcome it or not. Though, for the most part, everyone seems to handle things a lot more gracefully than I can.
I really am so happy for the people in my life, I could vomit the happy.
Anyway. I wish I could say that I am going to blog more, that I am going to be better… but I think we all know the truth there. So… until the next time I get a few minutes to write down something I feel like someone in the world will care about… see ya.
Monday, August 22, 2011
HELP!
Hello my blog world friends...
I need some help.
I need a housemate. Like ASAP.
Anyone know of anyone in Cedar looking for a place? $250 a month. Good housemates, super awesome house, um... you could live with me... Lots of other perks.
I have posted on the SUU website, at the institute building, let all my friends know, google+ ed it, facebooked...I am not sure what else to do here. Any suggestions?
If you know of anyone, please please please let me know.
Also, one day I will post something about how my life is getting flip, turned upside down, so I will take a moment, just sit right there (when it happens).
For real though... my life is weird right now.
Find me a housemate. Quick! :)
I need some help.
I need a housemate. Like ASAP.
Anyone know of anyone in Cedar looking for a place? $250 a month. Good housemates, super awesome house, um... you could live with me... Lots of other perks.
I have posted on the SUU website, at the institute building, let all my friends know, google+ ed it, facebooked...I am not sure what else to do here. Any suggestions?
If you know of anyone, please please please let me know.
Also, one day I will post something about how my life is getting flip, turned upside down, so I will take a moment, just sit right there (when it happens).
For real though... my life is weird right now.
Find me a housemate. Quick! :)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Risks
I say this all the time, but I am sorry that my friends are not as cool as yours.
Everyone out there is just going to have to realize that the people in my life kick some extraordinary trash. My friends are amazing, and they would do anything for me. I really, truly appreciate it. Here is a short list of things they have to put up with on a daily basis:
*I like to cuddle, a lot. I probably force people into doing it, and by probably, I mean I do. All of my housemates have just succumbed to this, in fact all of my friends have. I have so many friends who say things like, I am not a touchy person. And then I say something like, but I am the acceptation right? I usually am. If I am not, I will cuddle you until you like it. The other morning I woke up, went downstairs, and my dearest dear Mindy was lying on the couch, I laid on top of her. We didn’t really talk, I just laid there. Then when I woke up all the way, I went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast; she went on with her life. I will randomly jump you in random places. Like at the grocery store, usually in the frozen food section. I don’t know why. Mostly, I think I just get so overcome by love and adoration for the people in my life that I cannot control it any longer, and I have to hug them. Sorry I am a creep.
* I like being a creepy person. The more obsessive-stalker ish it sounds, the better.
*I have no filter between my mouth and brain.
*If given the opportunity, I will say, “That’s what she said.” One Christmas, I said it so much that my Grandma started saying it. Last year, when my dad’s birth mother was in town, my mom and I had to make up a code word for the phrase, you know, so we could be pervy and not have the birth mom pass judgments.
*Sometimes, I will go for weeks without talking to you. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t in my thoughts, you probably are, I am just terrible at keeping in touch that way.
* I love talking about “taboo” things. I studied sexuality in college, it was basically my minor. I will probably talk about it all the time if I could get away with it.
*When I get upset, really really upset, I bake everything in my house. Once, I went downstairs to Trent’s kitchen, pulled all of the flour, sugar, and eggs I could find, and proceeded to bake a cake, two different types of cookies, bread, and maybe brownies. I think there were rice crispy treats up in that too.
* I have to wash my hands twice, so you will run out of soap all the time.
*I will start cleaning your stuff randomly.
*I will say inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
*It takes me about three months to mail anything. Currently, I have KaeLee’s break up CDs sitting on my desk, right beside Denice’s birthday present, and Dad’s Father Day gift. The post office is just so hard.
*I am SUPER passive-aggressive. Sorry, but not really, but kind of.
*I might be more indecisive than passive-aggressive, I am not positive though.
*I think I am real funny.
*I think I am more clever than funny.
*If given the choice, I will start a fight with you in the store, a pretend fight where no one’s feelings will get hurt. Preferably in the family planning section, Trent is the best at this. My mom is not too shabby either, although, the family planning section arguments aren’t nearly as funny with her.
*I will probably try to be your mom. :S
*I will touch you. A lot.
*I will judge you on your music and book taste… And I will not be quiet about my own opinions. (Special apology for Chelsey on that one… I love you and I love that you like farmer music… even if it “isn’t my thing”)
*I am nerdy, I will pass off my nerdy things to you. (Again, Chelsey comes to mind.)
*I whine about how I don’t truly write anymore, but I never do anything about it.
*When I don’t eat protein in a while one of two things will happen. A) I will become a super horrible person, and I will probably try to eat your soul. B) I become super emotional, whiney, and I will probably cry. (HINT: Just feed me a chicken nugget or a string cheese and tell me to get over myself)
* I will replay our conversations in my head, especially when if we got into an argument or had to have a serious discussion. I will try not to do this, but I will lay awake for nights on end obsessing over it. I won't tell you about it though.
*I will make gag sounds if you touch your eyes excessively. It is absolutely disgusting. Don’t do that.
*It will annoy me, obsessively, if you do not keep up with your own obsessive compulsive behaviors. Be consistent people.
*I will love you, and I will probably always love you. But I really, really, really, really, really, mean it.
*Generally, I try to be super honest in my life. If you give me a specific question,
I will give you a specific answer. Sometimes I am not very forthcoming with information, so you may have to ask.
*I will talk about people like you know them personally. Not in a gossipy way, but in the way that something funny happens, and I will tell you about it, because I think you care about their lives.
*I will make us sound like a couple, even though we aren't actually a couple. Like, if you ask me where we should go, I will say, somewhere romantic.
*Really cheesy romantic things make me uncomfortable, even though I always want things to be this weird romantic that only exists in my head. Like, mix tape romantic. Never roses and staring into each other's eyes romantic. Gag.
Anyhow, thank you friends and family for being my friend. I love you.
Everyone out there is just going to have to realize that the people in my life kick some extraordinary trash. My friends are amazing, and they would do anything for me. I really, truly appreciate it. Here is a short list of things they have to put up with on a daily basis:
*I like to cuddle, a lot. I probably force people into doing it, and by probably, I mean I do. All of my housemates have just succumbed to this, in fact all of my friends have. I have so many friends who say things like, I am not a touchy person. And then I say something like, but I am the acceptation right? I usually am. If I am not, I will cuddle you until you like it. The other morning I woke up, went downstairs, and my dearest dear Mindy was lying on the couch, I laid on top of her. We didn’t really talk, I just laid there. Then when I woke up all the way, I went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast; she went on with her life. I will randomly jump you in random places. Like at the grocery store, usually in the frozen food section. I don’t know why. Mostly, I think I just get so overcome by love and adoration for the people in my life that I cannot control it any longer, and I have to hug them. Sorry I am a creep.
* I like being a creepy person. The more obsessive-stalker ish it sounds, the better.
*I have no filter between my mouth and brain.
*If given the opportunity, I will say, “That’s what she said.” One Christmas, I said it so much that my Grandma started saying it. Last year, when my dad’s birth mother was in town, my mom and I had to make up a code word for the phrase, you know, so we could be pervy and not have the birth mom pass judgments.
*Sometimes, I will go for weeks without talking to you. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t in my thoughts, you probably are, I am just terrible at keeping in touch that way.
* I love talking about “taboo” things. I studied sexuality in college, it was basically my minor. I will probably talk about it all the time if I could get away with it.
*When I get upset, really really upset, I bake everything in my house. Once, I went downstairs to Trent’s kitchen, pulled all of the flour, sugar, and eggs I could find, and proceeded to bake a cake, two different types of cookies, bread, and maybe brownies. I think there were rice crispy treats up in that too.
* I have to wash my hands twice, so you will run out of soap all the time.
*I will start cleaning your stuff randomly.
*I will say inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
*It takes me about three months to mail anything. Currently, I have KaeLee’s break up CDs sitting on my desk, right beside Denice’s birthday present, and Dad’s Father Day gift. The post office is just so hard.
*I am SUPER passive-aggressive. Sorry, but not really, but kind of.
*I might be more indecisive than passive-aggressive, I am not positive though.
*I think I am real funny.
*I think I am more clever than funny.
*If given the choice, I will start a fight with you in the store, a pretend fight where no one’s feelings will get hurt. Preferably in the family planning section, Trent is the best at this. My mom is not too shabby either, although, the family planning section arguments aren’t nearly as funny with her.
*I will probably try to be your mom. :S
*I will touch you. A lot.
*I will judge you on your music and book taste… And I will not be quiet about my own opinions. (Special apology for Chelsey on that one… I love you and I love that you like farmer music… even if it “isn’t my thing”)
*I am nerdy, I will pass off my nerdy things to you. (Again, Chelsey comes to mind.)
*I whine about how I don’t truly write anymore, but I never do anything about it.
*When I don’t eat protein in a while one of two things will happen. A) I will become a super horrible person, and I will probably try to eat your soul. B) I become super emotional, whiney, and I will probably cry. (HINT: Just feed me a chicken nugget or a string cheese and tell me to get over myself)
* I will replay our conversations in my head, especially when if we got into an argument or had to have a serious discussion. I will try not to do this, but I will lay awake for nights on end obsessing over it. I won't tell you about it though.
*I will make gag sounds if you touch your eyes excessively. It is absolutely disgusting. Don’t do that.
*It will annoy me, obsessively, if you do not keep up with your own obsessive compulsive behaviors. Be consistent people.
*I will love you, and I will probably always love you. But I really, really, really, really, really, mean it.
*Generally, I try to be super honest in my life. If you give me a specific question,
I will give you a specific answer. Sometimes I am not very forthcoming with information, so you may have to ask.
*I will talk about people like you know them personally. Not in a gossipy way, but in the way that something funny happens, and I will tell you about it, because I think you care about their lives.
*I will make us sound like a couple, even though we aren't actually a couple. Like, if you ask me where we should go, I will say, somewhere romantic.
*Really cheesy romantic things make me uncomfortable, even though I always want things to be this weird romantic that only exists in my head. Like, mix tape romantic. Never roses and staring into each other's eyes romantic. Gag.
Anyhow, thank you friends and family for being my friend. I love you.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Cedar City
I have a confession for all of you.
I live in Cedar City, Festival City USA.
And I like it here, I have no rhyme or reason to this, I just do. It feels like home to me. It is quaint and quirky and weird. And I love it.
Cedar and I have been through a lot together. I have lived in many places here and for many years. I have had some of the greatest times of my life here. I have also had some of the darkest times of my life here. I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people here, people whom my life would be incomplete without. I have also lost people here.
But here is what is so hard to swallow: It is far from so many people whom I dearly, dearly love. I want everyone to understand that this post in no way is to sound ungrateful for the people who also live here, because I don't know what I would do without them either. I mean that.
It is 252 miles from Cedar City to Salt Lake.
It is 274 miles from Cedar City to Layton.
It is 403 miles from Cedar City to Spring Creek.
It is roughly 550 miles from Cedar City to KaeLee.
It is 1,025 miles from Cedar City to Battle Ground.
It is 1,030 miles from Cedar City to Canby.
It is 1,551 miles from Cedar City to Madison.
I could thrown in a few other distances there too.
But the point here is, in this week, I would have given anything to be in any one of these places. It is so hard to want to be in all of these places at once. It is hard to miss all of these people at once, sorry you salt lake people got lumped. I would seriously give anything to hug the people in each location right now.
I want so badly to be there when things are sad, when things hurt. And right now, there are a lot of things that hurt. I cannot be. And that hurts. A lot.
I have had an immensely difficult time with the following question, "When are you just going to give up and move up here?!"
I understand this is said with love. I understand this is said because someone misses me.
That having been said, it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want to scream sometimes, because you only have one person to miss. I have a bucket load. And if I were to move, I would have another bucket load here and there that I would miss.
It is hard... for everyone... but realize it is hard on me too. Don't think that I am not praying for the chance to move away, I am. But I get the same thing: stay in Cedar. So, I stay in Cedar. Staying in Cedar is one of the hardest things I have ever done, because sometimes my heart misses everyone all at once, and I don't know what to do about that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes distance hurts.
Though, I can see many reasons why I have been told to stay here. I am glad I have listened. I am a stronger, better person for staying here. There are still people here who I need, and some who need me too. It isn't fair anyway you look at it. But it is happening. That does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I don't wish with every ounce of my body to be somewhere else.
I have a so many people whom I consider to be family. I have pockets of people all over, and I love them, with all of my being. I wish I could be in every place at once.
Anyone have a teleport?
I live in Cedar City, Festival City USA.
And I like it here, I have no rhyme or reason to this, I just do. It feels like home to me. It is quaint and quirky and weird. And I love it.
Cedar and I have been through a lot together. I have lived in many places here and for many years. I have had some of the greatest times of my life here. I have also had some of the darkest times of my life here. I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people here, people whom my life would be incomplete without. I have also lost people here.
But here is what is so hard to swallow: It is far from so many people whom I dearly, dearly love. I want everyone to understand that this post in no way is to sound ungrateful for the people who also live here, because I don't know what I would do without them either. I mean that.
It is 252 miles from Cedar City to Salt Lake.
It is 274 miles from Cedar City to Layton.
It is 403 miles from Cedar City to Spring Creek.
It is roughly 550 miles from Cedar City to KaeLee.
It is 1,025 miles from Cedar City to Battle Ground.
It is 1,030 miles from Cedar City to Canby.
It is 1,551 miles from Cedar City to Madison.
I could thrown in a few other distances there too.
But the point here is, in this week, I would have given anything to be in any one of these places. It is so hard to want to be in all of these places at once. It is hard to miss all of these people at once, sorry you salt lake people got lumped. I would seriously give anything to hug the people in each location right now.
I want so badly to be there when things are sad, when things hurt. And right now, there are a lot of things that hurt. I cannot be. And that hurts. A lot.
I have had an immensely difficult time with the following question, "When are you just going to give up and move up here?!"
I understand this is said with love. I understand this is said because someone misses me.
That having been said, it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want to scream sometimes, because you only have one person to miss. I have a bucket load. And if I were to move, I would have another bucket load here and there that I would miss.
It is hard... for everyone... but realize it is hard on me too. Don't think that I am not praying for the chance to move away, I am. But I get the same thing: stay in Cedar. So, I stay in Cedar. Staying in Cedar is one of the hardest things I have ever done, because sometimes my heart misses everyone all at once, and I don't know what to do about that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes distance hurts.
Though, I can see many reasons why I have been told to stay here. I am glad I have listened. I am a stronger, better person for staying here. There are still people here who I need, and some who need me too. It isn't fair anyway you look at it. But it is happening. That does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I don't wish with every ounce of my body to be somewhere else.
I have a so many people whom I consider to be family. I have pockets of people all over, and I love them, with all of my being. I wish I could be in every place at once.
Anyone have a teleport?
Laterly
I have a ton of things to update you all on. I wish I had pictures for these things, but alas.
Three weekends ago I went camping with Jo and Trevor, and Jo's family in Zions. I had a blast. I was especially grateful to get to know Jo's sister Andrea a bit better. I love trevor and jo too, they are like the best.
I am now a triathlete. No, you did not just read that wrong. I am, in fact, a triathlete. Last weekend, May 28, I participated in a triathlon put on by my dear, dear housemate Chelsey's family, the Greenwood Triathlon. I am glad I did it, mostly I am glad I felt budom-ed into doing it. People keep asking me what my time was, when I tell them, they say something to the effect of, "Don't feel bad..." Guess what people, I do not. I do NOT. I did a freaking triathlon, probably in worse shape then I have been in in my life. And I finished it. You and your, don't worry about your time comments can stick it. Please and thank you.
Three weekends ago I went camping with Jo and Trevor, and Jo's family in Zions. I had a blast. I was especially grateful to get to know Jo's sister Andrea a bit better. I love trevor and jo too, they are like the best.
I am now a triathlete. No, you did not just read that wrong. I am, in fact, a triathlete. Last weekend, May 28, I participated in a triathlon put on by my dear, dear housemate Chelsey's family, the Greenwood Triathlon. I am glad I did it, mostly I am glad I felt budom-ed into doing it. People keep asking me what my time was, when I tell them, they say something to the effect of, "Don't feel bad..." Guess what people, I do not. I do NOT. I did a freaking triathlon, probably in worse shape then I have been in in my life. And I finished it. You and your, don't worry about your time comments can stick it. Please and thank you.
I spent the rest of the weekend with a bunch of other people whom I love dearly. Mindy, Trent, Rachel, Brandon, and Adam. Seriously, some of the best people in the world. Saturday night, we had a bbq at Craig's and then a stellar dance party at the Gaybors, who are also fantastic. Sunday Trent and I spent a lot of time talking, which was nice. Then we went to his family party, where we were joined by Adam, then it was off to a movie with Rach, Brandon, and Denice. Overall, good times. Monday, we went to lunch, then Trent and I went to the Janelle Monae concert, it was super wonderful. All of it.
I love the people I have in my life. Just so you know.
This weekend I decided to make no plans. I feel like I have consistently been busy for the past month, and while I would not have given up anything I have been doing, I am super grateful for the chance to just relax and not have to be somewhere. I have slept in, caught up on chores, bummed around, and have loved every moment of it.
This was a very boring blog.
Sorry about your expectations shattering.
Hypocrite
Dear Blog World, (Really... anyone who actually reads this)
I have a confession. I am a terrible blogger. Mostly, I like to blog-stalk the crap out of you all, and not return the favor by posting interesting things. I am sorry about that fact. I would promise to do better, however, I do not see that happening any time soon. I once had this idea that I would take one day a week and write a ton of them, then post them randomly... apparently, I am motivated. Obviously.
I am a hypocrite.
Xoxoxo,
Brittni
I have a confession. I am a terrible blogger. Mostly, I like to blog-stalk the crap out of you all, and not return the favor by posting interesting things. I am sorry about that fact. I would promise to do better, however, I do not see that happening any time soon. I once had this idea that I would take one day a week and write a ton of them, then post them randomly... apparently, I am motivated. Obviously.
I am a hypocrite.
Xoxoxo,
Brittni
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Anyone Have Some Cheese?
Two cautious statements before you read this:
1. I swear, one day I will write an entire blog of happiness and joy and love, but not today.
2. I am not all together unhappy with my life. I am quite happy with most aspects of my life right now, in general. But right now, today, I am on the verge of a melt down, and you my dear reader, get to hear about it. So if you don't want to, close your browser and read something else.
No one tells you that having emergency surgery to remove your germ-infested, could-rupture-and-spread-infection-all-over-your-body-potentially-killing-you organ is very very expensive. No one tells you that you will receive bills from the hospital, anesthesiologist, surgeon, and radiology labs, separately. You will think that you have been taking care of all of your bills. You will feel like you have your head slightly above the metaphoric water with the bills, but you will, in fact, be horribly, horribly wrong. You will realize this on a week in which you have not had much sleep, and though you hate to say it, the impending approach of your menstrual cycle, which messes up your hormones, and thus any chance at rational thought, will conspire against you. You will also have a bad day at work. You will have a To Do list longer than one entire side of paper, and though you keep crossing things off, it gets increasingly longer and more complicated. And you will feel a little like shit and a little like you are incompetent. ( I know Mom, that English degree is really paying off with my vast knowledge of the English language, and I should be able to use better words than the one just used. But... that is the word I mean. And I mean every letter.)
You will look at the bright side of things. You have amazing friends, none of which you would trade. You are doing okay with money, things might be tight, and you probably won't be getting a car anytime soon, but you are doing okay. You get to go to work with people whom you love. You get to have summer. You get to be in the beginnings of a relationship with a boy you really, truly, like. (And I mean, for the first time like nearly everything about him. When you kiss him, you don't want to gag. When you talk about things, you don't want to kick him in the shin followed by a dash to the toilet to vomit again.) Most days, you will like who you are. Most days you will feel like you are a decent human being, even though you should learn to be more patient and understanding, less judgmental and impetuous. But you will still just want your best friend to tell you it is going to be okay, even though he doesn't agree with the choice you have made to temporarily fix things. Also, a hug would be nice. You will still want to cry, just a little bit, but mostly because you are being irrational, and you know it.
Thanks for coming to my whine party. :]
1. I swear, one day I will write an entire blog of happiness and joy and love, but not today.
2. I am not all together unhappy with my life. I am quite happy with most aspects of my life right now, in general. But right now, today, I am on the verge of a melt down, and you my dear reader, get to hear about it. So if you don't want to, close your browser and read something else.
No one tells you that having emergency surgery to remove your germ-infested, could-rupture-and-spread-infection-all-over-your-body-potentially-killing-you organ is very very expensive. No one tells you that you will receive bills from the hospital, anesthesiologist, surgeon, and radiology labs, separately. You will think that you have been taking care of all of your bills. You will feel like you have your head slightly above the metaphoric water with the bills, but you will, in fact, be horribly, horribly wrong. You will realize this on a week in which you have not had much sleep, and though you hate to say it, the impending approach of your menstrual cycle, which messes up your hormones, and thus any chance at rational thought, will conspire against you. You will also have a bad day at work. You will have a To Do list longer than one entire side of paper, and though you keep crossing things off, it gets increasingly longer and more complicated. And you will feel a little like shit and a little like you are incompetent. ( I know Mom, that English degree is really paying off with my vast knowledge of the English language, and I should be able to use better words than the one just used. But... that is the word I mean. And I mean every letter.)
You will look at the bright side of things. You have amazing friends, none of which you would trade. You are doing okay with money, things might be tight, and you probably won't be getting a car anytime soon, but you are doing okay. You get to go to work with people whom you love. You get to have summer. You get to be in the beginnings of a relationship with a boy you really, truly, like. (And I mean, for the first time like nearly everything about him. When you kiss him, you don't want to gag. When you talk about things, you don't want to kick him in the shin followed by a dash to the toilet to vomit again.) Most days, you will like who you are. Most days you will feel like you are a decent human being, even though you should learn to be more patient and understanding, less judgmental and impetuous. But you will still just want your best friend to tell you it is going to be okay, even though he doesn't agree with the choice you have made to temporarily fix things. Also, a hug would be nice. You will still want to cry, just a little bit, but mostly because you are being irrational, and you know it.
Thanks for coming to my whine party. :]
Monday, April 25, 2011
Annie Gardner.
I just felt the need to write a blog, so here I am to write one.
One small problem though... I have NO idea what to write it on.
So I asked annie gardner.
And she said, Write it about me.
She is currently facebooking/indexing/ talking about beau shakespear, apparently that kid is the bees knees.
Anyway, here are some things I like about AGie kit.
1. Her sexy pants.
2. She purrs when you pet her under her chin.
3. She makes ham fried rice, sans raw onions.
4. She was so kind to me earlier and interrupted her indexing to put away my soup dish. that is love.
and on her birthday I took this picture:
prech. right?
also, the fact that you lie to me is not the corner of our friendship agie, it is just the part that i like, because everyday is an adventure. And i don't count them as lies so much as I do flash fictions of your/our life.
One small problem though... I have NO idea what to write it on.
So I asked annie gardner.
And she said, Write it about me.
She is currently facebooking/indexing/ talking about beau shakespear, apparently that kid is the bees knees.
Anyway, here are some things I like about AGie kit.
1. Her sexy pants.
2. She purrs when you pet her under her chin.
3. She makes ham fried rice, sans raw onions.
4. She was so kind to me earlier and interrupted her indexing to put away my soup dish. that is love.
and on her birthday I took this picture:
also, the fact that you lie to me is not the corner of our friendship agie, it is just the part that i like, because everyday is an adventure. And i don't count them as lies so much as I do flash fictions of your/our life.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
L-O-L-A Lola
When I was really small my dad and I went on a road trip. Part of me wants to say that we were headed to California to my great grandpa's funeral, or maybe we were on the same trip where I would see the ocean for the first time. Who knows, maybe all of that was even in the same trip, I guess the reasons why are irrelevant. But there we were, driving down the freeway in the middle of the night, he was in the driver's seat and I was riding shotgun. He must have had his tape of 'Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneyground Part One' by The Kinks, or maybe it came on the radio. Either way, he meticulously taught me every single word to 'Lola'.
I remember singing my little heart out while I watched semi-trucks passed to the steady strum of a steel guitar. It is the first time I can really remember loving a song, loving the feeling of singing at the top of my lungs in a car. Anyway, I love this song. I love that this is the first song I can remember loving, and I love that the memory tied to it is singing at the top of my lungs with my dad.
I remember singing my little heart out while I watched semi-trucks passed to the steady strum of a steel guitar. It is the first time I can really remember loving a song, loving the feeling of singing at the top of my lungs in a car. Anyway, I love this song. I love that this is the first song I can remember loving, and I love that the memory tied to it is singing at the top of my lungs with my dad.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Some Catchy Song Lyric Here.
I have just spent the better part of an hour attempting to find the perfect song to suddenly hint at for the title of this blog, and for some reason I cannot find it. I can find about 32 that almost have it, so rather than some neat semi-reference to some awesomeness, you get a half-assed (yeah, I said it right, two points for me.) attempt.
Here are some things that make me super happy as of late:
1. Listening to vinyl. Seriously, the best thing in the world.
2. Listening to the rain beat down on the carport outside my window, its lovely.
3. The smell of the rain creeping through my windows.
4. The weekend I spent with Trent, here are a few highlights:
- Doing the thing.
- Being read Tina Fey in bed.
- Car dancing.
- Attempting to pull him up from the floor and carrying him up the stairs to bed.
- Road tripping.
- Writing get out of work free notes.
- Sitting in a comfortable silence.
- Dancing in the kitchen.
- Pretty much the entire weekend... It was pretty much way more fun than our senior year spring break failure of 08. At the very least, it was a lot more mentally healthy.
6. All the test writers.
7. The kittens.
8. Dreaming in languages that I do not know.
9. Laying on my bed talking about really nerdy things, whilst trying to figure out why Chelsey is sending faxes at 2 am, and then laughing so hard I start squeaking. (This really happens. Ask Mary and Trent, it happened the night of Weezer too.)
There are more things. But I am quite content in my little life right now.
I am soooooooooo very excited for this next weekend too. I am going up north and I can hug the crap out of Rach, and probably Brandon, and I can meet their new family addition, Frankie. I can spend more time with the Trent. It is going to be the besteset. And................. lets be honest, I am excited to see Adam.
This is a complete sidenote, but I get really excited when Brandon comments on my blog, it makes me feel like I have said something neat. So, here is a random shout out to a dear friend. :]
One more thing I like lately:
Half sitting, half standing, in my chair at work, eyes closed, music up loud, mouthing the words to some awesome song with all my heart. (There is probably a bit more dancing involved here too...)
Yay.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
In Other News
I have watched High Fidelity and Breakfast at Tiffany's, a few times this week. I love them both dearly. But watching them has led me to a couple of conclusions:
1. I totally and completely have a desire for someone to engrave a Cracker Jack box ring for me. And, if they don't make Cracker Jack rings of metal anymore, I will settle for some other cheap metal ring. It would be awesome.
2. I still am head-over-heels for Mr. John Cusack. Um... who wouldn't be?
3. What happened to mix tapes? Why don't we make them for each other any more? It is strange to me. Earlier this week a friend got delivered flowers to work, with some cheesy card. It was precious. You know what I said when we got out of ear shot? I said, "I like flowers, I like getting them delivered... You know what would be soooo much more amazing? Getting a mix tape/cd." I stick to it. Even if for tradition sake, the card was replaced with the mix tape and the flowers were still there. But seriously, mix tapes people. I am telling you, that is where it is at.
Sometimes Things Are Sad
Today was a strange mixed up day, super emotional if you will.
I was so happy all day. I got up, listened to some good music, got dressed, and made a lunch. Then I jumped on a bike and started our ride to work, listening to Rilo Kiley. A grand way to spend the morning. I got to work and I did fixes all day, I am pretty sure my brain melted. I chatted and spent the day with lovely people. We went and watch Ben perform at open mic night, he did wonderfully by the way. Buy his cd on itunes.
Then I got a call from my mom. And I knew what it meant, and my heart broke for some dear friends. I haven't been the best at keeping in contact with the Whitaker family lately. Or for a long time. I kind of dropped off of the face of the Earth when it comes to the people in my old ward, I have my reasons... And none of them are really good, mostly time and distance, with a dash of fear and probably a sprinkle of pride. I guess it is easier to say, that at some point in my life I needed to cut ties. I needed to cut them fast and hard and rather than explain myself, I just ran. I feel bad about that. But this isn't about my guilt, and I probably shouldn't have even brought it up. ANYWAY. My mom told me that Risa had passed away. It is such a bittersweet thing. I cannot even imagine what their family is going through right now. I thought about what it would be like to lose my sister, and I cannot even imagine. Horrible. But then I remembered our Heavenly Father, and there is comfort there. Mostly, I think I wish I could give them a big hug. I don't know why, I just feel like hugs make things easier.
Mostly, I just ask that you say a little prayer for the Whitakers, even if you don't know them. Trust me, they are amazing people.
Thanks.
I was so happy all day. I got up, listened to some good music, got dressed, and made a lunch. Then I jumped on a bike and started our ride to work, listening to Rilo Kiley. A grand way to spend the morning. I got to work and I did fixes all day, I am pretty sure my brain melted. I chatted and spent the day with lovely people. We went and watch Ben perform at open mic night, he did wonderfully by the way. Buy his cd on itunes.
Then I got a call from my mom. And I knew what it meant, and my heart broke for some dear friends. I haven't been the best at keeping in contact with the Whitaker family lately. Or for a long time. I kind of dropped off of the face of the Earth when it comes to the people in my old ward, I have my reasons... And none of them are really good, mostly time and distance, with a dash of fear and probably a sprinkle of pride. I guess it is easier to say, that at some point in my life I needed to cut ties. I needed to cut them fast and hard and rather than explain myself, I just ran. I feel bad about that. But this isn't about my guilt, and I probably shouldn't have even brought it up. ANYWAY. My mom told me that Risa had passed away. It is such a bittersweet thing. I cannot even imagine what their family is going through right now. I thought about what it would be like to lose my sister, and I cannot even imagine. Horrible. But then I remembered our Heavenly Father, and there is comfort there. Mostly, I think I wish I could give them a big hug. I don't know why, I just feel like hugs make things easier.
Mostly, I just ask that you say a little prayer for the Whitakers, even if you don't know them. Trust me, they are amazing people.
Thanks.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Day Light Savings Time
This year, I was particularly grateful for daylight savings time, mostly because it meant that by the time I get off of work, I would have sunshine. Amazing right?
But I forgot the biggest downside. I cannot sleep.
It is now almost 1:30 am, and I am wide awake.
My body needs to adjust quicker.
But I forgot the biggest downside. I cannot sleep.
It is now almost 1:30 am, and I am wide awake.
My body needs to adjust quicker.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
An Excuse or Two
I have not blogged in a long time, short two sentence blog aside, it has been a while, a LONG while. Its not even like I don't have things to say, I have a lot of things to say right now, about many different topics, none of them are quite Internet worthy though. So I suppose rather than shooting my mouth off about things that will come back to bite me later, I have just bit my tongue. How uncharacteristic of me, I am fully aware.
I think the fact that I have been staying at work until at least 7pm every night isn't helping this fact. It makes me feel like my life is just one giant circle of living at work. I want to make it clear that I completely love my job, and I love 99% of the people I work 125%. (Do the math.) But by the time I get home, I just want to curl up in my bed and hibernate. I think that has to do with the fact that it is completely dark outside, and generally freezing.
Perhaps I need to get up earlier and do something with my life. Read, write, something. But that requires effort. Sometimes I look at my life and feel completely stuck, but not really at the same time. I love my housemates. I love my job, for the most part. I love my friends. So in those respect not stuck.
But I miss my family. I miss trent. I miss rachel. Its hard being so far away from them. I look forward to weekends when I can go up there, because even though it is not my Oregon home or my Oregon family, they are my family, and my Utah home... Its weird. I am weird. And I am feeling weird today.
All of these things lead to my nonblogness lately. sorry world.
I think the fact that I have been staying at work until at least 7pm every night isn't helping this fact. It makes me feel like my life is just one giant circle of living at work. I want to make it clear that I completely love my job, and I love 99% of the people I work 125%. (Do the math.) But by the time I get home, I just want to curl up in my bed and hibernate. I think that has to do with the fact that it is completely dark outside, and generally freezing.
Perhaps I need to get up earlier and do something with my life. Read, write, something. But that requires effort. Sometimes I look at my life and feel completely stuck, but not really at the same time. I love my housemates. I love my job, for the most part. I love my friends. So in those respect not stuck.
But I miss my family. I miss trent. I miss rachel. Its hard being so far away from them. I look forward to weekends when I can go up there, because even though it is not my Oregon home or my Oregon family, they are my family, and my Utah home... Its weird. I am weird. And I am feeling weird today.
All of these things lead to my nonblogness lately. sorry world.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sometimes
Sometimes... when I am at work mostly, I want to stand on my chair and sing at the tops of my lungs. Mostly because I am in the singing mood.
It is happening right now.
It is happening right now.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Small and Simple Things
Here are some things that I have been thinking about:
Bruises on your arms, especially where arm hair is involved, can look strange in the right light.
The next time I date a boy, I am going to take a serious look at his music collection. I might judge the rest of the dates on this fact. Seriously. I am highly considering it.
Sometimes, when my friends who are older than me say things like, 'When I was 25, I tried Internet dating, it got me into a really bad relationship, but that is what you are supposed to do at your age.' or 'When I was your age, I was terrified I would spend my life alone.' I am not sure what to say in response... but none of the things I think of seem very helpful to the situation.
But at the same time, I like to talk about things and then tell people younger than me, 'You probably don't remember that, it was before your time... sorry you missed the 80s.' Ask my housemates.
Tonight I went to this really interesting Collaboration Performance. It makes me want to do something like that... but I would actually have to write something again. And... I would have to figure out how to do things like that. But the concept of it all was freaking awesome. The first piece featured poetry, or maybe flash fiction, I am still unsure which it was, percussion, and print making. It was very neat. The second piece featured a short story, more percussion and very organic sounding music, and a visual graphic presentation. It was really neat. Tyler, of Braun Books, said that the students will have to do something similar, a collaboration between all three areas, writing, music, and graphic design, as well as find a space to do it. I think it sounds awesome, and I am a little jealous I don't get to do something similar. Mostly, it made me glad I live in a place that encourages things like that.
And finally...
Most importantly...
Why is that I can semi-manage my bank account, a team full of people, my general life, but I can never EVER ever manage the cracker to cheese ratio in my Handi-Snack Breadstick N' Cheez?
Forgiveness
Today I am thankful for the power of forgiveness. The fact that we are able to be completely forgiven for all of our sins is an amazing thing, but more amazing is the power we have to forgive others.
I was sitting in the temple yesterday and I realized that I have forgiven a certain individual for everything he put me through. It does not mean that I have forgotten everything, I don't think I should. I need to remember a lot of the things that happened, so I can never make those mistakes again, so I can never put myself in that particular situation again. I just feel that I was given an amazing gift, and once I realized I had been able to forgive him, a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.
I am so grateful.
If you would have told me two months ago I would realize all these things, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But I am glad to be here now, in this place.
I was sitting in the temple yesterday and I realized that I have forgiven a certain individual for everything he put me through. It does not mean that I have forgotten everything, I don't think I should. I need to remember a lot of the things that happened, so I can never make those mistakes again, so I can never put myself in that particular situation again. I just feel that I was given an amazing gift, and once I realized I had been able to forgive him, a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.
I am so grateful.
If you would have told me two months ago I would realize all these things, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But I am glad to be here now, in this place.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Reading
I need to read... something that is good. and that can keep me occupied and entertained.
I am thinking of reading All the Pretty Horses. I will let you know how it goes.
I wish I had something to write about. And I mean write about on this blog and write about for real. Somehow in the past two and a half years I have been graduated, I have lost the ability to look at something and write about it. Which is really sad. I think I need to issue some writing exercises for myself or something.
Blah.
When did I become this boring?
I am thinking of reading All the Pretty Horses. I will let you know how it goes.
I wish I had something to write about. And I mean write about on this blog and write about for real. Somehow in the past two and a half years I have been graduated, I have lost the ability to look at something and write about it. Which is really sad. I think I need to issue some writing exercises for myself or something.
Blah.
When did I become this boring?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Some Thoughts
I am sorry about my non-cohesive blogs as of late, but I feel as though they will keep happening for a while. I have had many a thought lately, and they all seem to want to come out in a giant brain-dump. So here goes.
1. This thought, or series of thoughts mostly comes from one place, and I have had so many dreams about this in the past week, I feel I need to find an outlet somewhere, so here is as good of place as any. There is exactly one thing that frustrates me more than anything in a friendship, and that is when someone breaks my trust. I do not generally care about the decisions you make, wait, that is wrong. I do care about the decisions you make, I want you to be happy. I want you to find peace. I want you to find joy. I want you to find love. I want you to be loved. However, I will be there to listen, to want to know about your life, I will want to lend a shoulder when things go wrong. But what frustrates me is when you cannot even be honest with me, or yourself for that matter. There is something definitely wrong when you have to tell mutual friends to keep others in the dark, especially when those friends have been there for you at your lowest. Once I somehow downloaded this giant virus onto my parents computer. I tried so hard to get it fixed before they came home, and even after they did, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened. My dad came into my room that night and asked me what had happened, and said to keep in mind that the biggest ally I had was his trust. In that instant I started bawling, not because I was afraid to get into trouble or because of what I had done, but because I had broken the trust with my dad. It is the MOST important factor we have in a relationship with someone else. Everything is based on that one simple fact. All I am trying to demonstrate here, albeit in a very passive-aggressive manner, but you probably don't read this anyway.
2. I guess this is also directed at a couple of specific people. I am glad you are happy together, I am glad you somehow are able to make each other better, or at least, I hope you do. However, I do not, will not, get sucked into your drama again. I will not go back to the place I once was, especially the place and person I was when I was with you. Because I was never fully myself, I was afraid to be who I was. You never respected me enough to let me be that person, to achieve the potential I had. I guess all of that is beside the point, or at least it is a sidenote. Mostly, I want you to understand that I am not the same person I was, and I hope you are not either. I hope that you really are happy. I hope that you can be a better person. I wish you the best of luck with things, but I am past the point of wanting to become a participant in your life. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know how you were, or that sometimes the fact that I know nothing of your current life is so utterly strange and foreign to me that it almost feels like there is a hole. But we both know that it is for our own good. My own good. Maybe one day, years from now we will be able to say something to each other, but not now. You've burned that bridge too many times. Is that selfish? Perhaps a little, but everything inside me tells me no. And for once when it comes to you, I am going to listen.
Those might not have been the two best thoughts to throw together in the same post, but they are completely separate thoughts, and different people at that. Sometimes we have people in our lives who are toxic, the latter is dedicated to that person. I still want a relationship with the first, it is just frustrating to watch someone self destruct, and to push you away while doing it. Hopefully, these things make sense.
Thanks for listening.
One day soon, I will post happier thoughts.
1. This thought, or series of thoughts mostly comes from one place, and I have had so many dreams about this in the past week, I feel I need to find an outlet somewhere, so here is as good of place as any. There is exactly one thing that frustrates me more than anything in a friendship, and that is when someone breaks my trust. I do not generally care about the decisions you make, wait, that is wrong. I do care about the decisions you make, I want you to be happy. I want you to find peace. I want you to find joy. I want you to find love. I want you to be loved. However, I will be there to listen, to want to know about your life, I will want to lend a shoulder when things go wrong. But what frustrates me is when you cannot even be honest with me, or yourself for that matter. There is something definitely wrong when you have to tell mutual friends to keep others in the dark, especially when those friends have been there for you at your lowest. Once I somehow downloaded this giant virus onto my parents computer. I tried so hard to get it fixed before they came home, and even after they did, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened. My dad came into my room that night and asked me what had happened, and said to keep in mind that the biggest ally I had was his trust. In that instant I started bawling, not because I was afraid to get into trouble or because of what I had done, but because I had broken the trust with my dad. It is the MOST important factor we have in a relationship with someone else. Everything is based on that one simple fact. All I am trying to demonstrate here, albeit in a very passive-aggressive manner, but you probably don't read this anyway.
2. I guess this is also directed at a couple of specific people. I am glad you are happy together, I am glad you somehow are able to make each other better, or at least, I hope you do. However, I do not, will not, get sucked into your drama again. I will not go back to the place I once was, especially the place and person I was when I was with you. Because I was never fully myself, I was afraid to be who I was. You never respected me enough to let me be that person, to achieve the potential I had. I guess all of that is beside the point, or at least it is a sidenote. Mostly, I want you to understand that I am not the same person I was, and I hope you are not either. I hope that you really are happy. I hope that you can be a better person. I wish you the best of luck with things, but I am past the point of wanting to become a participant in your life. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know how you were, or that sometimes the fact that I know nothing of your current life is so utterly strange and foreign to me that it almost feels like there is a hole. But we both know that it is for our own good. My own good. Maybe one day, years from now we will be able to say something to each other, but not now. You've burned that bridge too many times. Is that selfish? Perhaps a little, but everything inside me tells me no. And for once when it comes to you, I am going to listen.
Those might not have been the two best thoughts to throw together in the same post, but they are completely separate thoughts, and different people at that. Sometimes we have people in our lives who are toxic, the latter is dedicated to that person. I still want a relationship with the first, it is just frustrating to watch someone self destruct, and to push you away while doing it. Hopefully, these things make sense.
Thanks for listening.
One day soon, I will post happier thoughts.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Happy Little Kittens
I love my kittens. Agie Kitti and Addy Catti.
I wish you had friends like them to make days better and brighter.
Yay for date weekend 2011.
I wish you had friends like them to make days better and brighter.
Yay for date weekend 2011.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Lately
I need to be better at blogging. I've kinda slacked it up, maybe that is what an appendix does, its the blogging organ.. I have been thinking about many things the last few days, so I feel like this blog is going to mostly be a brain dump.
I really, truly, wish that I could express my gratitude and my love for the people in my life lately. I am so very lucky to have so many people who love me, support me, pray for me, etc. I mean, I know I am loved... but feeling it all at once is so beautifully overwhelming. Thank you. I wish I had less cliche words for what I wish to say, but I do not. Please take that knowing I am 125% sincere.
Somewhere between being five and ten I learned the word, etc., and since that day I have been spelling it, ect. I do not know why.
Also, why is the saying half-assed? Seriously. Why? Can someone please explain that to me. For 17 years of my life I thought it was half-asked, which made sense to me. In my head it was when someone asked you to do something, but you only fulfill that request halfway. Half-asked. Once, on a sunny Sunday in the Beaverton 1st ward, I decided to use this phrase for the first time in my life. It resulted in my lovely Mom slapping her hand over my mouth and dragging me to the car. I still feel like I was unrighteously accused. No one taught me this phrase and what it meant, it is not my fault I misunderstood. I sort of still feel like a four-year old child who got caught eating her lollipop after falling in the grass. A bit shamed. A bit dirty.
A friend of mine recently posted something to the effect of, "liking music is juvenile." Dear Friend, You are entitled to your opinion. However, I disagree with all my heart. I cannot count the number of times in my life when music has been the only thing to make sense, the place where I can find words to express thoughts and feelings I am too inadequate to express. Yes, I know I do hide behind my music like a child behind the skirts of her mother, but it has rarely let me down. It edifies me. Nothing will change that.
Speaking of new music... The Decemberists have a new album out today. Go buy it. Or at least listen to it. The King Is Dead.
I am a really big nerd. While I was in bed for the past little bit here are the things I watched:
1) Zombie movies/ The Walking Dead
2) Firefly and Serenity
3) Battlestar Galactica (I know. You can judge me. Its fine.)
4) Barbra Streisand movie or two
5) Easy A
and I am going through Despicable Me withdrawals.
I got a new calling. I am the ward bulletiness. I like it.
Recently, the Heavenly Father and I have been talking. A lot. I like it more.
I really, truly, wish that I could express my gratitude and my love for the people in my life lately. I am so very lucky to have so many people who love me, support me, pray for me, etc. I mean, I know I am loved... but feeling it all at once is so beautifully overwhelming. Thank you. I wish I had less cliche words for what I wish to say, but I do not. Please take that knowing I am 125% sincere.
Somewhere between being five and ten I learned the word, etc., and since that day I have been spelling it, ect. I do not know why.
Also, why is the saying half-assed? Seriously. Why? Can someone please explain that to me. For 17 years of my life I thought it was half-asked, which made sense to me. In my head it was when someone asked you to do something, but you only fulfill that request halfway. Half-asked. Once, on a sunny Sunday in the Beaverton 1st ward, I decided to use this phrase for the first time in my life. It resulted in my lovely Mom slapping her hand over my mouth and dragging me to the car. I still feel like I was unrighteously accused. No one taught me this phrase and what it meant, it is not my fault I misunderstood. I sort of still feel like a four-year old child who got caught eating her lollipop after falling in the grass. A bit shamed. A bit dirty.
A friend of mine recently posted something to the effect of, "liking music is juvenile." Dear Friend, You are entitled to your opinion. However, I disagree with all my heart. I cannot count the number of times in my life when music has been the only thing to make sense, the place where I can find words to express thoughts and feelings I am too inadequate to express. Yes, I know I do hide behind my music like a child behind the skirts of her mother, but it has rarely let me down. It edifies me. Nothing will change that.
Speaking of new music... The Decemberists have a new album out today. Go buy it. Or at least listen to it. The King Is Dead.
I am a really big nerd. While I was in bed for the past little bit here are the things I watched:
1) Zombie movies/ The Walking Dead
2) Firefly and Serenity
3) Battlestar Galactica (I know. You can judge me. Its fine.)
4) Barbra Streisand movie or two
5) Easy A
and I am going through Despicable Me withdrawals.
I got a new calling. I am the ward bulletiness. I like it.
Recently, the Heavenly Father and I have been talking. A lot. I like it more.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Help?
This may be a dumb question, but I need a little help from you blogging experts.
Does anyone know how to set it up so that when you edit a post, it doesn't show up as a new post, but remains in its little place and date?
Is that possible?
Does anyone know how to set it up so that when you edit a post, it doesn't show up as a new post, but remains in its little place and date?
Is that possible?
I am Ridiculous
It is 3:00 am and I am still awake. Why? I have no idea... though, I feel like it has something to do with the fact that I had a headache tonight. Instead of taking aspirin, or some other form of headache medication, on top of my current pain medication, I decided to drink a soda... for the first time in probably two weeks. Apparently, caffeine is doing wonders and keeping me awake. I am not really sure why I did this to myself. I feel like it was a bit of sabotage. I am so sorry myself. I honestly didn't mean to hurt us.
What have I done with my sleepless hours? Well a few things. One, I picked a new background for my blog. Two, decided I did not love the new background for my blog. Three, tried to remake my old background. Four, failed. Five, changed it just a little bit. Six, picked off most of my Steri-Strips... Sorry, Dr. Munford. I seriously could not handle them anymore. They were itchy. They were dirty. They pulled awkwardly at my skin. Finally, I am pretty sure they were giving me a rash... maybe I should have led with that fact.
I need to be better at blogging. I thought doing the 30 Days of Truth thing would help me to accomplish this fact. Guess what? It made me not want to blog. I got bored, tired of questions that I felt ridiculous answering. Everything felt forced, and it was a feeling that I did not appreciate. I have seen some other 30 days of _______ and I might look into doing something similar in the future. However, I will be much more selective in the choosing of said monthly themes.
Also, how do I know I am a nerd? Well... At Wal*Mart the other day, and I may have used a Firefly swear word. Being sentenced to bed rest with the entire season of Firefly will do that to you I suppose.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My Housemates
I just really need to publicly say how grateful I am for my housemates, Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy.
They have been so amazing these past few days, and I really never expected anything less. (I just mean it isn't really a surprise.) But they are constantly helping me to do things, listening to me talk and talk and talk, entertaining me, hugging me, cooking me delicious food, bringing home some Jello... the list goes on.
I just watched Chelsey do my laundry and then she and Mindy made my bed. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it was for me to just watch all of this happen. I feel bad not being able to do it myself, but at the same time, I am so very grateful for their help. I have no idea what I would do without them.
I cannot even open my Lortab bottle without their help. Seriously.
Lynsie had to open a banana for me today.
I am not trying to tell you how much of a baby I am, or all about my patheticness, I just want you to understand what they are dealing with. And they do it with a smile, and tell me they love me even. They are just wonderful. And I am very very very very lucky.
I love you Chels! I love you Lyns! I love you Mindy!
I cannot say thank you enough. but thank you.
They have been so amazing these past few days, and I really never expected anything less. (I just mean it isn't really a surprise.) But they are constantly helping me to do things, listening to me talk and talk and talk, entertaining me, hugging me, cooking me delicious food, bringing home some Jello... the list goes on.
I just watched Chelsey do my laundry and then she and Mindy made my bed. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it was for me to just watch all of this happen. I feel bad not being able to do it myself, but at the same time, I am so very grateful for their help. I have no idea what I would do without them.
I cannot even open my Lortab bottle without their help. Seriously.
Lynsie had to open a banana for me today.
I am not trying to tell you how much of a baby I am, or all about my patheticness, I just want you to understand what they are dealing with. And they do it with a smile, and tell me they love me even. They are just wonderful. And I am very very very very lucky.
I love you Chels! I love you Lyns! I love you Mindy!
I cannot say thank you enough. but thank you.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Appendix Blessings
Apparently, I do not sleep for long periods of time after surgery. Its like 6:00 am, and I have been awake since 5:30, so weird. But I am feeling pretty good right now. I want to write somethings down so I can remember them. If this is spastic and random, remember the words, lortab.
1. Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean all the time, Heavenly Father works in really strange, and by strange I mean ridiculously awesome, ways. Example: I couldn't distinguish my pain at 4 am on New Years Day, but after a blessing that said, "You will know what to do" and, "cast your burdens on the Lord and He will provide a way", I felt a very distinct pain and it was clear that I needed to go to the hospital.
2. I am super blessed that I have housemates that I can wake up in the middle of the night to call some dear friends to rush over to give me a blessing. Even if they are super confused at first, they will always come through.
3. My parents are amazing. Even from a thousand miles away, they find ways to give me peace and comfort.
4. My friends are soooooo amazing. Even now I am pretty teary thinking of how much love I can feel from all the people in my life. It is so overwhelmingly wonderful. I know that probably sounds cheesey, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
5. Chelsey- Thank you for hardly leaving my side through this whole thing, for sacrificing hours of sleep, for unplugging my iv in the middle of the night so I could go to the bathroom, for laughing with me about "drug snuggling", and so many other things.
6. Lynsie- Thank you for hardly leaving my side. Thank you for smuggling in clean underwear to the hospital and for all the hugs and hand holding. And Zombie-brain soup. And so many other things. You are so wonderful.
7. Sheena- Thank you for coming to the hospital and sitting with me all day, when you were not feeling too amazing yourself. Thank you for your hugs and for telling me things were okay so many times.
8. Trent- I love you. Thank you for being a call or text away. I know you would have been here if you could have, and that means the world to me. And I love you sooooo very much. I don't know what I would do without you.
9. Wyett- Thank you for coming to the hospital to give me a blessing. I cannot begin to describe the marvelous blessings and peace and comfort I was able to have because of that blessing.
10. Jake- You are an amazing human. THank you for checking on me so often.
11. Ag and Ad, sorry you get to share a number, but thank you for all your visits and stories and laughter and your general freaking awesomeness. I love you both dearly.
12. Denice- I am so thankful your parents and sister and niece and nephew would drive up from Huricine to check on me and make sure I was okay. Thank you. A million times Thank you. *this one is also for your family.
13. Courtney- You have been a doll. Seriously. Thank you for sending your momma and Rick to the hospital. For the beautiful flowers, magazines, and treats. Thank you for checking on me all the time.
14. Rachel- Thank you for your calm easiness. Just talking to you a little bit yesterday helped me to feel like it wasn't a huge deal, and that everything was fine.
15. Aaron- Thank you for being my only-a-call-away-unclenurse. I love you. (and yes unclenurse is a word I just made up.)
16. Mindy- thank you for also being calm, and over-excited to talk about my procedure and for helping me to see its not a big thing, and making me go to bed when I need to, and helping me around the house. And for new Appendix. (An adorable stuffed unicorn made by your two little hands.)
17. I wish I could thank everyone who has helped me or prayed for me or sent love my way by name. But I seriously am not able to because there are so many. I am very loved. And more than that, I am grateful.
18. Holly- Thanks for being my OR nurse and my friend. I am glad you could see my balloon stomach and my guts.
19. Heavenly Father- Thank you for carrying me through this entire situation. For your outpouring of love. For all of the many wonderful blessings and miracles I have been able to experience throughout this process. Thank you for the testimony builders. For helping everything to come through okay. For helping me to be able to sleep on my back, rather than my stomach. Thank you for allowing me to have such strong ties to my family and friends. Thank you for letting me feel their love and prayers. Thank you for a myriad of other things.
20. Grandpa- Thank you for being there to hold my hand.
21. The scirpture, "They that be with us are more than they that be with them" keeps going through my head. And I am so grateful for it. I know without a doubt that I have been surrounded by loved ones, both in this world and the other, and I am grateful.
22. Mary- thanks for bringing your babies over. and for your hugs.
23. Mike- thanks for waking up in the middle of the night to come and give me a blessing with Jake. You rock. Literally.
24. Derek, I just love you.
25. Jo, thank you for worrying about me and yelling at me for worrying you.
Ugh. Really, I just want to say thank you to everyone. Maybe in a while I will post the story, but lists are shorter and faster.
I love you all.
Seriously.
Thank you.
1. Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean all the time, Heavenly Father works in really strange, and by strange I mean ridiculously awesome, ways. Example: I couldn't distinguish my pain at 4 am on New Years Day, but after a blessing that said, "You will know what to do" and, "cast your burdens on the Lord and He will provide a way", I felt a very distinct pain and it was clear that I needed to go to the hospital.
2. I am super blessed that I have housemates that I can wake up in the middle of the night to call some dear friends to rush over to give me a blessing. Even if they are super confused at first, they will always come through.
3. My parents are amazing. Even from a thousand miles away, they find ways to give me peace and comfort.
4. My friends are soooooo amazing. Even now I am pretty teary thinking of how much love I can feel from all the people in my life. It is so overwhelmingly wonderful. I know that probably sounds cheesey, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
5. Chelsey- Thank you for hardly leaving my side through this whole thing, for sacrificing hours of sleep, for unplugging my iv in the middle of the night so I could go to the bathroom, for laughing with me about "drug snuggling", and so many other things.
6. Lynsie- Thank you for hardly leaving my side. Thank you for smuggling in clean underwear to the hospital and for all the hugs and hand holding. And Zombie-brain soup. And so many other things. You are so wonderful.
7. Sheena- Thank you for coming to the hospital and sitting with me all day, when you were not feeling too amazing yourself. Thank you for your hugs and for telling me things were okay so many times.
8. Trent- I love you. Thank you for being a call or text away. I know you would have been here if you could have, and that means the world to me. And I love you sooooo very much. I don't know what I would do without you.
9. Wyett- Thank you for coming to the hospital to give me a blessing. I cannot begin to describe the marvelous blessings and peace and comfort I was able to have because of that blessing.
10. Jake- You are an amazing human. THank you for checking on me so often.
11. Ag and Ad, sorry you get to share a number, but thank you for all your visits and stories and laughter and your general freaking awesomeness. I love you both dearly.
12. Denice- I am so thankful your parents and sister and niece and nephew would drive up from Huricine to check on me and make sure I was okay. Thank you. A million times Thank you. *this one is also for your family.
13. Courtney- You have been a doll. Seriously. Thank you for sending your momma and Rick to the hospital. For the beautiful flowers, magazines, and treats. Thank you for checking on me all the time.
14. Rachel- Thank you for your calm easiness. Just talking to you a little bit yesterday helped me to feel like it wasn't a huge deal, and that everything was fine.
15. Aaron- Thank you for being my only-a-call-away-unclenurse. I love you. (and yes unclenurse is a word I just made up.)
16. Mindy- thank you for also being calm, and over-excited to talk about my procedure and for helping me to see its not a big thing, and making me go to bed when I need to, and helping me around the house. And for new Appendix. (An adorable stuffed unicorn made by your two little hands.)
17. I wish I could thank everyone who has helped me or prayed for me or sent love my way by name. But I seriously am not able to because there are so many. I am very loved. And more than that, I am grateful.
18. Holly- Thanks for being my OR nurse and my friend. I am glad you could see my balloon stomach and my guts.
19. Heavenly Father- Thank you for carrying me through this entire situation. For your outpouring of love. For all of the many wonderful blessings and miracles I have been able to experience throughout this process. Thank you for the testimony builders. For helping everything to come through okay. For helping me to be able to sleep on my back, rather than my stomach. Thank you for allowing me to have such strong ties to my family and friends. Thank you for letting me feel their love and prayers. Thank you for a myriad of other things.
20. Grandpa- Thank you for being there to hold my hand.
21. The scirpture, "They that be with us are more than they that be with them" keeps going through my head. And I am so grateful for it. I know without a doubt that I have been surrounded by loved ones, both in this world and the other, and I am grateful.
22. Mary- thanks for bringing your babies over. and for your hugs.
23. Mike- thanks for waking up in the middle of the night to come and give me a blessing with Jake. You rock. Literally.
24. Derek, I just love you.
25. Jo, thank you for worrying about me and yelling at me for worrying you.
Ugh. Really, I just want to say thank you to everyone. Maybe in a while I will post the story, but lists are shorter and faster.
I love you all.
Seriously.
Thank you.
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