Two cautious statements before you read this:
1. I swear, one day I will write an entire blog of happiness and joy and love, but not today.
2. I am not all together unhappy with my life. I am quite happy with most aspects of my life right now, in general. But right now, today, I am on the verge of a melt down, and you my dear reader, get to hear about it. So if you don't want to, close your browser and read something else.
No one tells you that having emergency surgery to remove your germ-infested, could-rupture-and-spread-infection-all-over-your-body-potentially-killing-you organ is very very expensive. No one tells you that you will receive bills from the hospital, anesthesiologist, surgeon, and radiology labs, separately. You will think that you have been taking care of all of your bills. You will feel like you have your head slightly above the metaphoric water with the bills, but you will, in fact, be horribly, horribly wrong. You will realize this on a week in which you have not had much sleep, and though you hate to say it, the impending approach of your menstrual cycle, which messes up your hormones, and thus any chance at rational thought, will conspire against you. You will also have a bad day at work. You will have a To Do list longer than one entire side of paper, and though you keep crossing things off, it gets increasingly longer and more complicated. And you will feel a little like shit and a little like you are incompetent. ( I know Mom, that English degree is really paying off with my vast knowledge of the English language, and I should be able to use better words than the one just used. But... that is the word I mean. And I mean every letter.)
You will look at the bright side of things. You have amazing friends, none of which you would trade. You are doing okay with money, things might be tight, and you probably won't be getting a car anytime soon, but you are doing okay. You get to go to work with people whom you love. You get to have summer. You get to be in the beginnings of a relationship with a boy you really, truly, like. (And I mean, for the first time like nearly everything about him. When you kiss him, you don't want to gag. When you talk about things, you don't want to kick him in the shin followed by a dash to the toilet to vomit again.) Most days, you will like who you are. Most days you will feel like you are a decent human being, even though you should learn to be more patient and understanding, less judgmental and impetuous. But you will still just want your best friend to tell you it is going to be okay, even though he doesn't agree with the choice you have made to temporarily fix things. Also, a hug would be nice. You will still want to cry, just a little bit, but mostly because you are being irrational, and you know it.
Thanks for coming to my whine party. :]
1. I swear, one day I will write an entire blog of happiness and joy and love, but not today.
2. I am not all together unhappy with my life. I am quite happy with most aspects of my life right now, in general. But right now, today, I am on the verge of a melt down, and you my dear reader, get to hear about it. So if you don't want to, close your browser and read something else.
No one tells you that having emergency surgery to remove your germ-infested, could-rupture-and-spread-infection-all-over-your-body-potentially-killing-you organ is very very expensive. No one tells you that you will receive bills from the hospital, anesthesiologist, surgeon, and radiology labs, separately. You will think that you have been taking care of all of your bills. You will feel like you have your head slightly above the metaphoric water with the bills, but you will, in fact, be horribly, horribly wrong. You will realize this on a week in which you have not had much sleep, and though you hate to say it, the impending approach of your menstrual cycle, which messes up your hormones, and thus any chance at rational thought, will conspire against you. You will also have a bad day at work. You will have a To Do list longer than one entire side of paper, and though you keep crossing things off, it gets increasingly longer and more complicated. And you will feel a little like shit and a little like you are incompetent. ( I know Mom, that English degree is really paying off with my vast knowledge of the English language, and I should be able to use better words than the one just used. But... that is the word I mean. And I mean every letter.)
You will look at the bright side of things. You have amazing friends, none of which you would trade. You are doing okay with money, things might be tight, and you probably won't be getting a car anytime soon, but you are doing okay. You get to go to work with people whom you love. You get to have summer. You get to be in the beginnings of a relationship with a boy you really, truly, like. (And I mean, for the first time like nearly everything about him. When you kiss him, you don't want to gag. When you talk about things, you don't want to kick him in the shin followed by a dash to the toilet to vomit again.) Most days, you will like who you are. Most days you will feel like you are a decent human being, even though you should learn to be more patient and understanding, less judgmental and impetuous. But you will still just want your best friend to tell you it is going to be okay, even though he doesn't agree with the choice you have made to temporarily fix things. Also, a hug would be nice. You will still want to cry, just a little bit, but mostly because you are being irrational, and you know it.
Thanks for coming to my whine party. :]
