This is kind of how my job goes. Every day. I heart these kids.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Happiness
On a happier note, Adam came down for the weekend. And I loved it.
You wanna know why we are in l-o-v-e? Because we went to Wal*mart to get a game to play. We walked out an hour later with three sets of legos, the original Tron, and some capri suns. (It took a LONG time to pick out the legos... Because we couldn't decide which set to get. Eventually, we each had to pick a set and then we got a big plain set for the extras.)
We probably played legos for two days... I totally made a TARDIS. Just so you know. And when we weren't playing legos, we were reading books and listening to records.
I freaking heart that kid.
You wanna know why we are in l-o-v-e? Because we went to Wal*mart to get a game to play. We walked out an hour later with three sets of legos, the original Tron, and some capri suns. (It took a LONG time to pick out the legos... Because we couldn't decide which set to get. Eventually, we each had to pick a set and then we got a big plain set for the extras.)
We probably played legos for two days... I totally made a TARDIS. Just so you know. And when we weren't playing legos, we were reading books and listening to records.
I freaking heart that kid.
An Open Letter
*I need to get this out of my system, it has been bothering me for a while… and I just want it to be said. To the persons involved, I just hope you know I love you with all my heart and I wish I could make it hurt less. I love you.
An open letter to someone who should know better:
Mr. Asinine Pernicious Coward,
I would just like to inform you that I feel you are a completely ridiculous human being, and I think you need to understand that your actions deeply, deeply affect other people. I wish you could see the hurt you have caused certain people in your life. I hold both of these individuals near and dear to my heart, one of which is probably one of my best friends in the entire world, a word which I hope she will forgive me for using here, as you have completely spoiled those words and the meaning behind them.
I feel you have acted, and continue to act, in careless and damaging way, without regard for your actions. I would really love to smack you upside the head and make you see and understand what you are doing, what you have done, the irreparable damage you have caused, but most of all, what it is exactly that you are losing. You, my dear selfish, silly, silly, human, are missing out on one of the best people this world has to offer. She is kind. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is honest. She knows what it is to be a friend. She is a good listener. She is brave. She is strong. She is faithful and hopeful. She knows her heart and doesn’t question it. She is weird, but in the best possible meaning of the word. She completely envelopes and redefines the word, beautiful. She is nonjudgmental. She constantly helps those around her to be better people. She knows what it is to have a relationship with her Heavenly Father, and she lives it every day of her life. She isn’t ashamed that the previously stated relationship exists. She understands what it is to love people for who they are, for what they will become. She has a fantastic wardrobe. She has fantastic music taste. She is a pretty damn good cook when she wants to be. She is so much more than all of this too. She might be one of the best people I know.
And I could say a lot of the same things about the other person in this situation, and I do not know her as intensely or as well as the above mentioned individual. But both of these girls are strong, amazing women, and you are missing out more than you can ever know.
But you don’t get to share in that anymore, and it is your own fault. You have made her hurt so deeply and have not done anything to redeem yourself, in fact, you keep doing quite the opposite. You are being unfair in your treatment of another human being, and I wish you understood that. From everything I can see or hear about, you don’t even regret it. Maybe you do, but you are just better at hiding it.
Not to tell you what to do with your life or how to make your choices, but I just think if you have a girlfriend of three months, not even three months, and you chose that over a twelve plus year friendship, you have a problem. If you make this choice based on the fact that your 18 year-old girlfriend is intimidated with you being friends with people of the opposite sex, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. It means you are missing trust. Shouldn’t a relationship be based on trust? I dated someone for a long time that chose to tell me who I could and could not be friends with. He constantly accused me for sleeping with my friends of the opposite gender, he belittled me for the fact that I cared deeply for people, people that weren’t him. It was hard to figure out why he thought I was sleeping with them, when I wouldn’t even sleep with him. But all of his accusations were because he was in fact cheating. I lived in that relationship, where neither one of us trusted each other, where he told me the things I could do and couldn’t do, for far too long. I learned my lessons. Now, I am not implying that she is cheating on you or that your relationship is a bad thing. But I am saying that if she cannot be comfortable with the people who are important to you in your life, the people who have helped you to become who you are, the people who have been there for you when no one else has been, the people who are still willing to forgive you after everything you have done, then something is wrong. That is a giant red flag. I just hope you can see it.
Also, as a side note, I am not sure where you get off doing what you did to a person you consider one of your best friends at a time that you did. You knew the hurt and the hard times she was going through, and you added to that by tossing her to the side. I have no idea how you can like yourself knowing just that part alone. That may sound like big hurtful words, and I am sorry for them. Kind of. I feel like they are true. And if I was in your shoes, I would have a very, VERY hard time living with myself knowing just that part alone, and we both know there is way more to it than that one single part.
I think you are being extremely foolish in letting these people go from your life. I think you are being a coward for not owning up to it. I might actually have an iota of respect for you if you could at least own up to your choices as of late or even if you would just apologize and actually mean it.
I don’t mean to insert myself in place where I do not belong, but it is so extremely hard for me to sit ideally by and watch you continue to hurt these people that I love so very much. Friends don’t treat friends this way.
Be a better friend.
Be a better person.
Also, you can stick it.
Thanks.
An open letter to someone who should know better:
Mr. Asinine Pernicious Coward,
I would just like to inform you that I feel you are a completely ridiculous human being, and I think you need to understand that your actions deeply, deeply affect other people. I wish you could see the hurt you have caused certain people in your life. I hold both of these individuals near and dear to my heart, one of which is probably one of my best friends in the entire world, a word which I hope she will forgive me for using here, as you have completely spoiled those words and the meaning behind them.
I feel you have acted, and continue to act, in careless and damaging way, without regard for your actions. I would really love to smack you upside the head and make you see and understand what you are doing, what you have done, the irreparable damage you have caused, but most of all, what it is exactly that you are losing. You, my dear selfish, silly, silly, human, are missing out on one of the best people this world has to offer. She is kind. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is honest. She knows what it is to be a friend. She is a good listener. She is brave. She is strong. She is faithful and hopeful. She knows her heart and doesn’t question it. She is weird, but in the best possible meaning of the word. She completely envelopes and redefines the word, beautiful. She is nonjudgmental. She constantly helps those around her to be better people. She knows what it is to have a relationship with her Heavenly Father, and she lives it every day of her life. She isn’t ashamed that the previously stated relationship exists. She understands what it is to love people for who they are, for what they will become. She has a fantastic wardrobe. She has fantastic music taste. She is a pretty damn good cook when she wants to be. She is so much more than all of this too. She might be one of the best people I know.
And I could say a lot of the same things about the other person in this situation, and I do not know her as intensely or as well as the above mentioned individual. But both of these girls are strong, amazing women, and you are missing out more than you can ever know.
But you don’t get to share in that anymore, and it is your own fault. You have made her hurt so deeply and have not done anything to redeem yourself, in fact, you keep doing quite the opposite. You are being unfair in your treatment of another human being, and I wish you understood that. From everything I can see or hear about, you don’t even regret it. Maybe you do, but you are just better at hiding it.
Not to tell you what to do with your life or how to make your choices, but I just think if you have a girlfriend of three months, not even three months, and you chose that over a twelve plus year friendship, you have a problem. If you make this choice based on the fact that your 18 year-old girlfriend is intimidated with you being friends with people of the opposite sex, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. It means you are missing trust. Shouldn’t a relationship be based on trust? I dated someone for a long time that chose to tell me who I could and could not be friends with. He constantly accused me for sleeping with my friends of the opposite gender, he belittled me for the fact that I cared deeply for people, people that weren’t him. It was hard to figure out why he thought I was sleeping with them, when I wouldn’t even sleep with him. But all of his accusations were because he was in fact cheating. I lived in that relationship, where neither one of us trusted each other, where he told me the things I could do and couldn’t do, for far too long. I learned my lessons. Now, I am not implying that she is cheating on you or that your relationship is a bad thing. But I am saying that if she cannot be comfortable with the people who are important to you in your life, the people who have helped you to become who you are, the people who have been there for you when no one else has been, the people who are still willing to forgive you after everything you have done, then something is wrong. That is a giant red flag. I just hope you can see it.
Also, as a side note, I am not sure where you get off doing what you did to a person you consider one of your best friends at a time that you did. You knew the hurt and the hard times she was going through, and you added to that by tossing her to the side. I have no idea how you can like yourself knowing just that part alone. That may sound like big hurtful words, and I am sorry for them. Kind of. I feel like they are true. And if I was in your shoes, I would have a very, VERY hard time living with myself knowing just that part alone, and we both know there is way more to it than that one single part.
I think you are being extremely foolish in letting these people go from your life. I think you are being a coward for not owning up to it. I might actually have an iota of respect for you if you could at least own up to your choices as of late or even if you would just apologize and actually mean it.
I don’t mean to insert myself in place where I do not belong, but it is so extremely hard for me to sit ideally by and watch you continue to hurt these people that I love so very much. Friends don’t treat friends this way.
Be a better friend.
Be a better person.
Also, you can stick it.
Thanks.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
My Summer Vacation Essay
My Summer Vacation:
This summer has seriously gone away from me, I am not sure how We got to September, I seriously have no idea. It feels like yesterday that we looked into buying plane tickets to go home, that was back at the end of June… now the visit is in a couple of weeks. Crazy. Anyway, let’s compare my hopes and dreams with reality:
Hopes and Dreams:
Spend tons of time outside
Go star gazing every Wednesday night with Adam
Get a nice, awesome, suntan
Pay off all my medical bills
Go up to SLC to spend lots of time with my SLC family
Go camping nearly every weekend with the housemates, or at least to the lake on the Saturday
Spend Sunday afternoons on the lawn writing or with a good book
Write. Actually create something.
Reality:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
In the month of August, I had exactly three full days off from both jobs. I am not really saying this to gain any type of sympathy, mainly to illustrate how I haven’t had any time to blog or anything of that sort.
Also, in the past three (ish) weeks, my life has been completely flipped upside down. Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy have all decided to move out. I cannot begin to express how mixed up my feelings are on this part of my life. They were, and have been, my family in Cedar for so long. No matter how crappy of a day I was having or how hard things got, I always had them to fall on. I could count on any one of them to give me a hug when I really needed it, even without asking. When I got my appendix out, they all took care of me, they made me slow down and take care of myself. They have sat with me while I have cried, we have had the most ridiculous of silly times together, they’ve listened to my frustrations, everything. I just cannot put into words how much I love these three girls and how much I have learned from each of them. I mean, I like sewing now, who saw that one coming? No one.
But at the same time that I am feeling sorry for myself, I am so freaking excited for each of them. Chelsey finally got a job as an auditor at a big accounting firm. She deserves it soooo very much. I know she is going to do amazing. Mindy also finally got a job as a nurse at a nursing home. She is already kicking trash and handing out medications like it’s no body’s business. Lynise is going to move home and begin the epic search for a job in a lab up there, which, given her talent and brains, won’t be hard.
I don’t want to become one of those people who just talks about how much they love their roommates, and how amazing they are, and blah blah blah, but seriously, mine are off the hook. And I know that their individual moves up to Salt Lake are for the best, but there is a HUGE part of me that is extremely selfish. I still need them here. I feel so lost already. I honestly do. Mindy texted me the other day and told me to be honest, she said she hoped I was really doing okay. The thing is that I am, but it feels like I have had to leave my family, again. It feels like starting over all again. It’s just hard to miss all of them at once. But, again, I am so proud and excited for them that it is hard. I told people that I had the emotional stability of Tinkerbell lately. And by that, I mean, I feel really, really, really excited for them one minute, and am crying my eyes out the next because I don’t know what to do without them. Conflict.
Though, there are happy things going on too. Really, really, really happy things.
Mostly, Adam.
I know I haven’t said much about him here or there, or anywhere. But, let me tell you, I am head over heels for this kid. Wanna know why?
He is probably one of the greatest people I know.
he has the biggest heart of anyone and is always willing to go the extra mile for people in his life.
He always knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Take a few Wednesdays ago, he came down, and found me in my bed sleeping. He woke me up and asked me how I was doing. I tried to lie for a while, tell him I was fine, that everything was peachy. But he knew I was wallowing in the fact that my life was changing and it was all too much for one time. He kissed me on the forehead and made me get out of bed. We went out for pizza and a drive up the canyon, I felt better.
We can be really, really silly together. He gets my weirdness, all my little quirks, and so far, none of them have driven him to insanity.
When I was sick, he drove four and a half hours just to lay in bed and watch movies with me.
Four times out of five, when he comes down, I have to do things like laundry or clean the fridge, he has never once complained about this fact.
I feel like I can be my 100% self around him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whinny, whatever.
He takes time to get to know the people in my life, to build a relationship with them.
I love his family, I have only met them once, but I quite enjoy them. He brought his little sister down for a sleepover one night, and it was some very good times. We watched inspector gadget for hours.
He follows me when I talk about super nerdy things or go off for hours about music… though most of the time, he can out music me, and I like that. A lot.
He drives the five hours to my house and then five hours back to his almost every week. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what else does. And when he does come down, it is for less than 24 hours. Not many people would do that... not many people have done that.
He is coming home with me to visit my family… to meet them for the first time. And I could not be more excited.
I got to spend time with Sheena last week. That felt really nice. I miss having time like that with her, I hope it happens more in the future.
Jillybean. I love her and I am so proud for everything that she has accomplished.
Rach has had an extremely rough go of things as of late, but she is hanging in there. I talk to her, less than I would like, but she seems to be staying positive. I like that. I am proud of her.
Trent. He is doing great things. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I am super proud of him for being who he is, for knowing what he wants.
Anne, she is working her life away and going to school, and she does everything so gracefully. I wish I could keep my head above water as well as she does.
Annie… she could be drawing hearts and love all over the back of her notebooks.
Mary, ,she gets to stay home with her girls now. They all need that. Even Blair I think. I got to see them all on Monday, they all seemed super happy.
I have already mentioned Chels, Mind, and Lyns, but I am soo proud of them.
Jo got a full time job. Hooray.
Fe is keeping up with everything, she has a loaded plate, way more loaded than she deserves, but she still seems to see sunlight and she is always just an email away.
KaeLee is doing better too. I need to talk to her. Ugh.
Em somehow gets up at 3 am every day… I think that should deserve all the pride in the world. I could never do it.
There have been so many big changes for the people in my life lately, I am so happy for all of them. Moves. Babies. Relationships. Growing up. Everyone seems to be getting a dose of change, whether they welcome it or not. Though, for the most part, everyone seems to handle things a lot more gracefully than I can.
I really am so happy for the people in my life, I could vomit the happy.
Anyway. I wish I could say that I am going to blog more, that I am going to be better… but I think we all know the truth there. So… until the next time I get a few minutes to write down something I feel like someone in the world will care about… see ya.
This summer has seriously gone away from me, I am not sure how We got to September, I seriously have no idea. It feels like yesterday that we looked into buying plane tickets to go home, that was back at the end of June… now the visit is in a couple of weeks. Crazy. Anyway, let’s compare my hopes and dreams with reality:
Hopes and Dreams:
Spend tons of time outside
Go star gazing every Wednesday night with Adam
Get a nice, awesome, suntan
Pay off all my medical bills
Go up to SLC to spend lots of time with my SLC family
Go camping nearly every weekend with the housemates, or at least to the lake on the Saturday
Spend Sunday afternoons on the lawn writing or with a good book
Write. Actually create something.
Reality:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
In the month of August, I had exactly three full days off from both jobs. I am not really saying this to gain any type of sympathy, mainly to illustrate how I haven’t had any time to blog or anything of that sort.
Also, in the past three (ish) weeks, my life has been completely flipped upside down. Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy have all decided to move out. I cannot begin to express how mixed up my feelings are on this part of my life. They were, and have been, my family in Cedar for so long. No matter how crappy of a day I was having or how hard things got, I always had them to fall on. I could count on any one of them to give me a hug when I really needed it, even without asking. When I got my appendix out, they all took care of me, they made me slow down and take care of myself. They have sat with me while I have cried, we have had the most ridiculous of silly times together, they’ve listened to my frustrations, everything. I just cannot put into words how much I love these three girls and how much I have learned from each of them. I mean, I like sewing now, who saw that one coming? No one.
But at the same time that I am feeling sorry for myself, I am so freaking excited for each of them. Chelsey finally got a job as an auditor at a big accounting firm. She deserves it soooo very much. I know she is going to do amazing. Mindy also finally got a job as a nurse at a nursing home. She is already kicking trash and handing out medications like it’s no body’s business. Lynise is going to move home and begin the epic search for a job in a lab up there, which, given her talent and brains, won’t be hard.
I don’t want to become one of those people who just talks about how much they love their roommates, and how amazing they are, and blah blah blah, but seriously, mine are off the hook. And I know that their individual moves up to Salt Lake are for the best, but there is a HUGE part of me that is extremely selfish. I still need them here. I feel so lost already. I honestly do. Mindy texted me the other day and told me to be honest, she said she hoped I was really doing okay. The thing is that I am, but it feels like I have had to leave my family, again. It feels like starting over all again. It’s just hard to miss all of them at once. But, again, I am so proud and excited for them that it is hard. I told people that I had the emotional stability of Tinkerbell lately. And by that, I mean, I feel really, really, really excited for them one minute, and am crying my eyes out the next because I don’t know what to do without them. Conflict.
Though, there are happy things going on too. Really, really, really happy things.
Mostly, Adam.
I know I haven’t said much about him here or there, or anywhere. But, let me tell you, I am head over heels for this kid. Wanna know why?
He is probably one of the greatest people I know.
he has the biggest heart of anyone and is always willing to go the extra mile for people in his life.
He always knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Take a few Wednesdays ago, he came down, and found me in my bed sleeping. He woke me up and asked me how I was doing. I tried to lie for a while, tell him I was fine, that everything was peachy. But he knew I was wallowing in the fact that my life was changing and it was all too much for one time. He kissed me on the forehead and made me get out of bed. We went out for pizza and a drive up the canyon, I felt better.
We can be really, really silly together. He gets my weirdness, all my little quirks, and so far, none of them have driven him to insanity.
When I was sick, he drove four and a half hours just to lay in bed and watch movies with me.
Four times out of five, when he comes down, I have to do things like laundry or clean the fridge, he has never once complained about this fact.
I feel like I can be my 100% self around him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whinny, whatever.
He takes time to get to know the people in my life, to build a relationship with them.
I love his family, I have only met them once, but I quite enjoy them. He brought his little sister down for a sleepover one night, and it was some very good times. We watched inspector gadget for hours.
He follows me when I talk about super nerdy things or go off for hours about music… though most of the time, he can out music me, and I like that. A lot.
He drives the five hours to my house and then five hours back to his almost every week. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what else does. And when he does come down, it is for less than 24 hours. Not many people would do that... not many people have done that.
He is coming home with me to visit my family… to meet them for the first time. And I could not be more excited.
I got to spend time with Sheena last week. That felt really nice. I miss having time like that with her, I hope it happens more in the future.
Jillybean. I love her and I am so proud for everything that she has accomplished.
Rach has had an extremely rough go of things as of late, but she is hanging in there. I talk to her, less than I would like, but she seems to be staying positive. I like that. I am proud of her.
Trent. He is doing great things. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I am super proud of him for being who he is, for knowing what he wants.
Anne, she is working her life away and going to school, and she does everything so gracefully. I wish I could keep my head above water as well as she does.
Annie… she could be drawing hearts and love all over the back of her notebooks.
Mary, ,she gets to stay home with her girls now. They all need that. Even Blair I think. I got to see them all on Monday, they all seemed super happy.
I have already mentioned Chels, Mind, and Lyns, but I am soo proud of them.
Jo got a full time job. Hooray.
Fe is keeping up with everything, she has a loaded plate, way more loaded than she deserves, but she still seems to see sunlight and she is always just an email away.
KaeLee is doing better too. I need to talk to her. Ugh.
Em somehow gets up at 3 am every day… I think that should deserve all the pride in the world. I could never do it.
There have been so many big changes for the people in my life lately, I am so happy for all of them. Moves. Babies. Relationships. Growing up. Everyone seems to be getting a dose of change, whether they welcome it or not. Though, for the most part, everyone seems to handle things a lot more gracefully than I can.
I really am so happy for the people in my life, I could vomit the happy.
Anyway. I wish I could say that I am going to blog more, that I am going to be better… but I think we all know the truth there. So… until the next time I get a few minutes to write down something I feel like someone in the world will care about… see ya.
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