Sunday, June 5, 2011

Cedar City

I have a confession for all of you.

I live in Cedar City, Festival City USA.



And I like it here, I have no rhyme or reason to this, I just do. It feels like home to me. It is quaint and quirky and weird. And I love it.

Cedar and I have  been through a lot together. I have lived in many places here and for many years. I have had some of the greatest times of my life here. I have also had some of the darkest times of my life here. I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people here, people whom my life would be incomplete without. I have also lost people here.


But here is what is so hard to swallow: It is far from so many people whom I dearly, dearly love. I want everyone to understand that this post in no way is to sound ungrateful for the people who also live here, because I don't know what I would do without them either. I mean that.

It is 252 miles from Cedar City to Salt Lake.
It is 274 miles from Cedar City to Layton.
It is 403 miles from Cedar City to Spring Creek.
It is roughly 550 miles from Cedar City to KaeLee.
It is 1,025 miles from Cedar City to Battle Ground.
It is 1,030 miles from Cedar City to Canby.
It is 1,551 miles from Cedar City to Madison.

I could thrown in a few other distances there too.

But the point here is, in this week, I would have given anything to be in any one of these places. It is so hard to want to be in all of these places at once. It is hard to miss all of these people at once, sorry you salt lake people got lumped. I would seriously give anything to hug the people in each location right now.

I want so badly to be there when things are sad, when things hurt. And right now, there are a lot of things that hurt. I cannot be. And that hurts. A lot.

I have had an immensely difficult time with the following question, "When are you just going to give up and move up here?!"

I understand this is said with love. I understand this is said because someone misses me.

That having been said, it doesn't make it any easier.

I just want to scream sometimes, because you only have one person to miss. I have a bucket load. And if I were to move, I would have another bucket load here and there that I would miss.

It is hard... for everyone... but realize it is hard on me too. Don't think that I am not praying for the chance to move away, I am. But I get the same thing: stay in Cedar. So, I stay in Cedar. Staying in Cedar is one of the hardest things I have ever done, because sometimes my heart misses everyone all at once, and I don't know what to do about that.

I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes distance hurts.

Though, I can see many reasons why I have been told to stay here. I am glad I have listened. I am a stronger, better person for staying here. There are still people here who I need, and some who need me too. It isn't fair anyway you look at it. But it is happening. That does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I don't wish with every ounce of my body to be somewhere else.

I have a so many people whom I consider to be family. I have pockets of people all over, and I love them, with all of my being. I wish I could be in every place at once.

Anyone have a teleport?

1 comment:

  1. Aww I love you and miss you Binny. I admire your willingness to actually listens to the answers you get from Heavenly Father about staying in Cedar City. Trusting in Him is something I still struggle with, and you've been a great example to me. We would love for you to be up here, but you need to live your life for you :)

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