Growing

I have decided that since I don't always get the chance to bare my testimony at church, rather, I don't always take the opportunity to do so, I would share it every fast and testimony Sunday. I figured if I am going to share my entire self on this blog, I needed to share that as well.

I am so grateful for temples. I have only recently been able to go inside the temple and to participate in the great work that is done there in. I am still trying to break everything down and understand it. Yes, I will admit that there are parts which still feel awkward. However, I know with absolute surety that the temple is the house of the Lord. It does not matter the purpose I go, I always feel so very happy when I enter those doors. I fill up with a sense of peace and happiness, that I rarely find anywhere else. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much, and as I stand in those holy walls, I become aware of His love.

This week I have had the chance to go to the temple twice. Once to attend an Endownment session and once to participate in Baptisms for the Dead. I have not done this since I was seventeen or maybe even eighteen. I forgot what it was like. It was so neat to be able to sit in the youth chapel with two out of my three housemates, all of us dressed in white. We sang a few hymns, and the Spirit was so strong.

I also love the Priesthood. I cannot put into words how amazing it is, the power and protection that it gives us. Sometimes, I get very homesick. Very homesick. And I think part of that homesickness comes from not being able to have the Priesthood in my home, but I love going places where there is a worthy Priesthood holder. And I am so excited for the day that I can have that in my home every single day.

This week I have also been thinking a lot about the pure love of Christ, and most of that has come through some meetings we have been having at work. We have been having a lot of tension in our office, many barriers between teams and people, none of them good. There has been a huge us against them mentality, and you can feel it when you walk in.

While sitting in this two part, four and a half hour meeting, I felt the prompting that I was not making it a priority in my life to see people through the eyes that our Heavenly Father and Christ would see them. I haven't been praying to be able to have this gift or praying that I can recognize it. That was wrong. I know that I, myself, have been a cause of this contention, and it is simply because I have let go of that one small thing in my prayers. To be completely honest, I have been extremely lax in my prayers. This meeting started putting things into perspective for me. I don't hate the people whom I was having issues with, in fact there was a point where I was able to see the good in them. But somehow I let myself focus only on the bad things. I got caught up in my pride, and began to think that I, or my team, was being wronged on all sides. I got defensive and jumped easily to offense. I lost sight of how Christ sees these individuals, I stopped looking for their goodness.

And from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I am sorry to those with whom I was quick to anger. To those of whom I spoke ill. I am sorry that I have not put Christ and my Father first. I am sorry that I have been selfish and prideful. I can only hope that you will forgive me, and that together we can move forward.

Another part of this comes from watching the trials with which my friends struggle. I know that when I pray for them and about them, I get the distinct feeling of just a small portion of how much our Father in Heaven loves them, loves you. Last month, one of my friends and I were able to kneel together and pray about a particular situation. We were asking a direct question, one I expected to get a firm yes or no on. Guess what? That is not what happened at all. I got repeatedly told to express how much this individual was loved by their Heavenly Father. I like to think I got a glimpse of that love. But even more amazing, was that I had the over-whelming feeling that we are all loved this much, and much more, by our Savior and by our Heavenly Father. That is such a beautiful, wonderful gift. And I am so thankful I had that experience.

One of my very favorite memories of my dad is as follows. He was working in an apartment, painting I think. My mom had me take him dinner or a maybe just a Pepsi. I was sitting on a paint bucket, watching him finish the wall on which he was working. We were talking about a new calling I had just received, my first calling ever. He told me to remember how important it was to serve others. I nodded and mumbled that I knew. He stopped painting and he looked at me for a long minute. He then explained that that the most important thing we can do in this life is to love others, and to truly love them. It wasn't enough to go through the motions of loving someone, although sometimes by going through the motions, we could learn how to love them. But more important was to pray for the ability to TRULY love others, to earnestly seek to find the good, and to love them no matter their choices, past, present, or future. It is never our place to pass judgement. I remember that has he spoke, I felt the spirit more strongly than I had in my entire life, I think we both did. And then he went back to painting the wall.

I have never forgotten that moment. I know that I have not been perfect with this, not even close, I am striving for it. And I will do my best best do to it, some days are better than others. I think that is okay. I am just thankful I have a dad who would take the time to teach me such a powerful lesson. I love him so much.

With all that having been said, I am going to try something this month. I am going to work harder to see people through His eyes. I am going to try harder to bite my tongue and be less prideful. I probably won't be prefect, so please bare with me. But even if I do just a little bit better, I will call that good. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.