Today I feel defeated, completely and utterly defeated. I am currently sitting on my bed, working on creating a gigantic outline for work-one that I will hopefully finish by tomorrow morning, Zimm is laying on a pile of papers at my feet, and we are listening to Gilmore Girls-because it has been that kind of day. For the first time in a long time I had an anxiety freak out. (Luckily I have a couple of really good friends who help me keep it together.)
Let me give you a little background-- it is going to be brief, so keep up. My aunt, who is really more like my older sister in every sense, is in the hospital. Since Sunday night. She isn't in the ICU anymore, she is in the Psych ward... which is better than the ICU. I, more than anything, want to give her a hug. I was going to go up there today, Adam had to go to Layton for a few days for a wedding, but she can't really have visitors... so I stayed. I miss him. He's been holding me together for the last few days. However, I am so incredibly glad he gets to go and spend time with his friends, really and truly. I think he needs it.
I want to hug my mom. I want to go to lunch with my sister. I want to hug my dad. I want... I want to have a conversation with my aunt, I want to understand why she made the choice she did. I want to call my uncle, and I want to ask him what he is doing, because we need to understand his intentions. I want to not cry. I want to focus.
That is all. Thanks for listening.
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