My Summer Vacation:
This summer has seriously gone away from me, I am not sure how We got to September, I seriously have no idea. It feels like yesterday that we looked into buying plane tickets to go home, that was back at the end of June… now the visit is in a couple of weeks. Crazy. Anyway, let’s compare my hopes and dreams with reality:
Hopes and Dreams:
Spend tons of time outside
Go star gazing every Wednesday night with Adam
Get a nice, awesome, suntan
Pay off all my medical bills
Go up to SLC to spend lots of time with my SLC family
Go camping nearly every weekend with the housemates, or at least to the lake on the Saturday
Spend Sunday afternoons on the lawn writing or with a good book
Write. Actually create something.
Reality:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
In the month of August, I had exactly three full days off from both jobs. I am not really saying this to gain any type of sympathy, mainly to illustrate how I haven’t had any time to blog or anything of that sort.
Also, in the past three (ish) weeks, my life has been completely flipped upside down. Chelsey, Lynsie, and Mindy have all decided to move out. I cannot begin to express how mixed up my feelings are on this part of my life. They were, and have been, my family in Cedar for so long. No matter how crappy of a day I was having or how hard things got, I always had them to fall on. I could count on any one of them to give me a hug when I really needed it, even without asking. When I got my appendix out, they all took care of me, they made me slow down and take care of myself. They have sat with me while I have cried, we have had the most ridiculous of silly times together, they’ve listened to my frustrations, everything. I just cannot put into words how much I love these three girls and how much I have learned from each of them. I mean, I like sewing now, who saw that one coming? No one.
But at the same time that I am feeling sorry for myself, I am so freaking excited for each of them. Chelsey finally got a job as an auditor at a big accounting firm. She deserves it soooo very much. I know she is going to do amazing. Mindy also finally got a job as a nurse at a nursing home. She is already kicking trash and handing out medications like it’s no body’s business. Lynise is going to move home and begin the epic search for a job in a lab up there, which, given her talent and brains, won’t be hard.
I don’t want to become one of those people who just talks about how much they love their roommates, and how amazing they are, and blah blah blah, but seriously, mine are off the hook. And I know that their individual moves up to Salt Lake are for the best, but there is a HUGE part of me that is extremely selfish. I still need them here. I feel so lost already. I honestly do. Mindy texted me the other day and told me to be honest, she said she hoped I was really doing okay. The thing is that I am, but it feels like I have had to leave my family, again. It feels like starting over all again. It’s just hard to miss all of them at once. But, again, I am so proud and excited for them that it is hard. I told people that I had the emotional stability of Tinkerbell lately. And by that, I mean, I feel really, really, really excited for them one minute, and am crying my eyes out the next because I don’t know what to do without them. Conflict.
Though, there are happy things going on too. Really, really, really happy things.
Mostly, Adam.
I know I haven’t said much about him here or there, or anywhere. But, let me tell you, I am head over heels for this kid. Wanna know why?
He is probably one of the greatest people I know.
he has the biggest heart of anyone and is always willing to go the extra mile for people in his life.
He always knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Take a few Wednesdays ago, he came down, and found me in my bed sleeping. He woke me up and asked me how I was doing. I tried to lie for a while, tell him I was fine, that everything was peachy. But he knew I was wallowing in the fact that my life was changing and it was all too much for one time. He kissed me on the forehead and made me get out of bed. We went out for pizza and a drive up the canyon, I felt better.
We can be really, really silly together. He gets my weirdness, all my little quirks, and so far, none of them have driven him to insanity.
When I was sick, he drove four and a half hours just to lay in bed and watch movies with me.
Four times out of five, when he comes down, I have to do things like laundry or clean the fridge, he has never once complained about this fact.
I feel like I can be my 100% self around him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whinny, whatever.
He takes time to get to know the people in my life, to build a relationship with them.
I love his family, I have only met them once, but I quite enjoy them. He brought his little sister down for a sleepover one night, and it was some very good times. We watched inspector gadget for hours.
He follows me when I talk about super nerdy things or go off for hours about music… though most of the time, he can out music me, and I like that. A lot.
He drives the five hours to my house and then five hours back to his almost every week. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what else does. And when he does come down, it is for less than 24 hours. Not many people would do that... not many people have done that.
He is coming home with me to visit my family… to meet them for the first time. And I could not be more excited.
I got to spend time with Sheena last week. That felt really nice. I miss having time like that with her, I hope it happens more in the future.
Jillybean. I love her and I am so proud for everything that she has accomplished.
Rach has had an extremely rough go of things as of late, but she is hanging in there. I talk to her, less than I would like, but she seems to be staying positive. I like that. I am proud of her.
Trent. He is doing great things. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I am super proud of him for being who he is, for knowing what he wants.
Anne, she is working her life away and going to school, and she does everything so gracefully. I wish I could keep my head above water as well as she does.
Annie… she could be drawing hearts and love all over the back of her notebooks.
Mary, ,she gets to stay home with her girls now. They all need that. Even Blair I think. I got to see them all on Monday, they all seemed super happy.
I have already mentioned Chels, Mind, and Lyns, but I am soo proud of them.
Jo got a full time job. Hooray.
Fe is keeping up with everything, she has a loaded plate, way more loaded than she deserves, but she still seems to see sunlight and she is always just an email away.
KaeLee is doing better too. I need to talk to her. Ugh.
Em somehow gets up at 3 am every day… I think that should deserve all the pride in the world. I could never do it.
There have been so many big changes for the people in my life lately, I am so happy for all of them. Moves. Babies. Relationships. Growing up. Everyone seems to be getting a dose of change, whether they welcome it or not. Though, for the most part, everyone seems to handle things a lot more gracefully than I can.
I really am so happy for the people in my life, I could vomit the happy.
Anyway. I wish I could say that I am going to blog more, that I am going to be better… but I think we all know the truth there. So… until the next time I get a few minutes to write down something I feel like someone in the world will care about… see ya.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
HELP!
Hello my blog world friends...
I need some help.
I need a housemate. Like ASAP.
Anyone know of anyone in Cedar looking for a place? $250 a month. Good housemates, super awesome house, um... you could live with me... Lots of other perks.
I have posted on the SUU website, at the institute building, let all my friends know, google+ ed it, facebooked...I am not sure what else to do here. Any suggestions?
If you know of anyone, please please please let me know.
Also, one day I will post something about how my life is getting flip, turned upside down, so I will take a moment, just sit right there (when it happens).
For real though... my life is weird right now.
Find me a housemate. Quick! :)
I need some help.
I need a housemate. Like ASAP.
Anyone know of anyone in Cedar looking for a place? $250 a month. Good housemates, super awesome house, um... you could live with me... Lots of other perks.
I have posted on the SUU website, at the institute building, let all my friends know, google+ ed it, facebooked...I am not sure what else to do here. Any suggestions?
If you know of anyone, please please please let me know.
Also, one day I will post something about how my life is getting flip, turned upside down, so I will take a moment, just sit right there (when it happens).
For real though... my life is weird right now.
Find me a housemate. Quick! :)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Risks
I say this all the time, but I am sorry that my friends are not as cool as yours.
Everyone out there is just going to have to realize that the people in my life kick some extraordinary trash. My friends are amazing, and they would do anything for me. I really, truly appreciate it. Here is a short list of things they have to put up with on a daily basis:
*I like to cuddle, a lot. I probably force people into doing it, and by probably, I mean I do. All of my housemates have just succumbed to this, in fact all of my friends have. I have so many friends who say things like, I am not a touchy person. And then I say something like, but I am the acceptation right? I usually am. If I am not, I will cuddle you until you like it. The other morning I woke up, went downstairs, and my dearest dear Mindy was lying on the couch, I laid on top of her. We didn’t really talk, I just laid there. Then when I woke up all the way, I went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast; she went on with her life. I will randomly jump you in random places. Like at the grocery store, usually in the frozen food section. I don’t know why. Mostly, I think I just get so overcome by love and adoration for the people in my life that I cannot control it any longer, and I have to hug them. Sorry I am a creep.
* I like being a creepy person. The more obsessive-stalker ish it sounds, the better.
*I have no filter between my mouth and brain.
*If given the opportunity, I will say, “That’s what she said.” One Christmas, I said it so much that my Grandma started saying it. Last year, when my dad’s birth mother was in town, my mom and I had to make up a code word for the phrase, you know, so we could be pervy and not have the birth mom pass judgments.
*Sometimes, I will go for weeks without talking to you. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t in my thoughts, you probably are, I am just terrible at keeping in touch that way.
* I love talking about “taboo” things. I studied sexuality in college, it was basically my minor. I will probably talk about it all the time if I could get away with it.
*When I get upset, really really upset, I bake everything in my house. Once, I went downstairs to Trent’s kitchen, pulled all of the flour, sugar, and eggs I could find, and proceeded to bake a cake, two different types of cookies, bread, and maybe brownies. I think there were rice crispy treats up in that too.
* I have to wash my hands twice, so you will run out of soap all the time.
*I will start cleaning your stuff randomly.
*I will say inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
*It takes me about three months to mail anything. Currently, I have KaeLee’s break up CDs sitting on my desk, right beside Denice’s birthday present, and Dad’s Father Day gift. The post office is just so hard.
*I am SUPER passive-aggressive. Sorry, but not really, but kind of.
*I might be more indecisive than passive-aggressive, I am not positive though.
*I think I am real funny.
*I think I am more clever than funny.
*If given the choice, I will start a fight with you in the store, a pretend fight where no one’s feelings will get hurt. Preferably in the family planning section, Trent is the best at this. My mom is not too shabby either, although, the family planning section arguments aren’t nearly as funny with her.
*I will probably try to be your mom. :S
*I will touch you. A lot.
*I will judge you on your music and book taste… And I will not be quiet about my own opinions. (Special apology for Chelsey on that one… I love you and I love that you like farmer music… even if it “isn’t my thing”)
*I am nerdy, I will pass off my nerdy things to you. (Again, Chelsey comes to mind.)
*I whine about how I don’t truly write anymore, but I never do anything about it.
*When I don’t eat protein in a while one of two things will happen. A) I will become a super horrible person, and I will probably try to eat your soul. B) I become super emotional, whiney, and I will probably cry. (HINT: Just feed me a chicken nugget or a string cheese and tell me to get over myself)
* I will replay our conversations in my head, especially when if we got into an argument or had to have a serious discussion. I will try not to do this, but I will lay awake for nights on end obsessing over it. I won't tell you about it though.
*I will make gag sounds if you touch your eyes excessively. It is absolutely disgusting. Don’t do that.
*It will annoy me, obsessively, if you do not keep up with your own obsessive compulsive behaviors. Be consistent people.
*I will love you, and I will probably always love you. But I really, really, really, really, really, mean it.
*Generally, I try to be super honest in my life. If you give me a specific question,
I will give you a specific answer. Sometimes I am not very forthcoming with information, so you may have to ask.
*I will talk about people like you know them personally. Not in a gossipy way, but in the way that something funny happens, and I will tell you about it, because I think you care about their lives.
*I will make us sound like a couple, even though we aren't actually a couple. Like, if you ask me where we should go, I will say, somewhere romantic.
*Really cheesy romantic things make me uncomfortable, even though I always want things to be this weird romantic that only exists in my head. Like, mix tape romantic. Never roses and staring into each other's eyes romantic. Gag.
Anyhow, thank you friends and family for being my friend. I love you.
Everyone out there is just going to have to realize that the people in my life kick some extraordinary trash. My friends are amazing, and they would do anything for me. I really, truly appreciate it. Here is a short list of things they have to put up with on a daily basis:
*I like to cuddle, a lot. I probably force people into doing it, and by probably, I mean I do. All of my housemates have just succumbed to this, in fact all of my friends have. I have so many friends who say things like, I am not a touchy person. And then I say something like, but I am the acceptation right? I usually am. If I am not, I will cuddle you until you like it. The other morning I woke up, went downstairs, and my dearest dear Mindy was lying on the couch, I laid on top of her. We didn’t really talk, I just laid there. Then when I woke up all the way, I went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast; she went on with her life. I will randomly jump you in random places. Like at the grocery store, usually in the frozen food section. I don’t know why. Mostly, I think I just get so overcome by love and adoration for the people in my life that I cannot control it any longer, and I have to hug them. Sorry I am a creep.
* I like being a creepy person. The more obsessive-stalker ish it sounds, the better.
*I have no filter between my mouth and brain.
*If given the opportunity, I will say, “That’s what she said.” One Christmas, I said it so much that my Grandma started saying it. Last year, when my dad’s birth mother was in town, my mom and I had to make up a code word for the phrase, you know, so we could be pervy and not have the birth mom pass judgments.
*Sometimes, I will go for weeks without talking to you. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t in my thoughts, you probably are, I am just terrible at keeping in touch that way.
* I love talking about “taboo” things. I studied sexuality in college, it was basically my minor. I will probably talk about it all the time if I could get away with it.
*When I get upset, really really upset, I bake everything in my house. Once, I went downstairs to Trent’s kitchen, pulled all of the flour, sugar, and eggs I could find, and proceeded to bake a cake, two different types of cookies, bread, and maybe brownies. I think there were rice crispy treats up in that too.
* I have to wash my hands twice, so you will run out of soap all the time.
*I will start cleaning your stuff randomly.
*I will say inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
*It takes me about three months to mail anything. Currently, I have KaeLee’s break up CDs sitting on my desk, right beside Denice’s birthday present, and Dad’s Father Day gift. The post office is just so hard.
*I am SUPER passive-aggressive. Sorry, but not really, but kind of.
*I might be more indecisive than passive-aggressive, I am not positive though.
*I think I am real funny.
*I think I am more clever than funny.
*If given the choice, I will start a fight with you in the store, a pretend fight where no one’s feelings will get hurt. Preferably in the family planning section, Trent is the best at this. My mom is not too shabby either, although, the family planning section arguments aren’t nearly as funny with her.
*I will probably try to be your mom. :S
*I will touch you. A lot.
*I will judge you on your music and book taste… And I will not be quiet about my own opinions. (Special apology for Chelsey on that one… I love you and I love that you like farmer music… even if it “isn’t my thing”)
*I am nerdy, I will pass off my nerdy things to you. (Again, Chelsey comes to mind.)
*I whine about how I don’t truly write anymore, but I never do anything about it.
*When I don’t eat protein in a while one of two things will happen. A) I will become a super horrible person, and I will probably try to eat your soul. B) I become super emotional, whiney, and I will probably cry. (HINT: Just feed me a chicken nugget or a string cheese and tell me to get over myself)
* I will replay our conversations in my head, especially when if we got into an argument or had to have a serious discussion. I will try not to do this, but I will lay awake for nights on end obsessing over it. I won't tell you about it though.
*I will make gag sounds if you touch your eyes excessively. It is absolutely disgusting. Don’t do that.
*It will annoy me, obsessively, if you do not keep up with your own obsessive compulsive behaviors. Be consistent people.
*I will love you, and I will probably always love you. But I really, really, really, really, really, mean it.
*Generally, I try to be super honest in my life. If you give me a specific question,
I will give you a specific answer. Sometimes I am not very forthcoming with information, so you may have to ask.
*I will talk about people like you know them personally. Not in a gossipy way, but in the way that something funny happens, and I will tell you about it, because I think you care about their lives.
*I will make us sound like a couple, even though we aren't actually a couple. Like, if you ask me where we should go, I will say, somewhere romantic.
*Really cheesy romantic things make me uncomfortable, even though I always want things to be this weird romantic that only exists in my head. Like, mix tape romantic. Never roses and staring into each other's eyes romantic. Gag.
Anyhow, thank you friends and family for being my friend. I love you.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Cedar City
I have a confession for all of you.
I live in Cedar City, Festival City USA.
And I like it here, I have no rhyme or reason to this, I just do. It feels like home to me. It is quaint and quirky and weird. And I love it.
Cedar and I have been through a lot together. I have lived in many places here and for many years. I have had some of the greatest times of my life here. I have also had some of the darkest times of my life here. I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people here, people whom my life would be incomplete without. I have also lost people here.
But here is what is so hard to swallow: It is far from so many people whom I dearly, dearly love. I want everyone to understand that this post in no way is to sound ungrateful for the people who also live here, because I don't know what I would do without them either. I mean that.
It is 252 miles from Cedar City to Salt Lake.
It is 274 miles from Cedar City to Layton.
It is 403 miles from Cedar City to Spring Creek.
It is roughly 550 miles from Cedar City to KaeLee.
It is 1,025 miles from Cedar City to Battle Ground.
It is 1,030 miles from Cedar City to Canby.
It is 1,551 miles from Cedar City to Madison.
I could thrown in a few other distances there too.
But the point here is, in this week, I would have given anything to be in any one of these places. It is so hard to want to be in all of these places at once. It is hard to miss all of these people at once, sorry you salt lake people got lumped. I would seriously give anything to hug the people in each location right now.
I want so badly to be there when things are sad, when things hurt. And right now, there are a lot of things that hurt. I cannot be. And that hurts. A lot.
I have had an immensely difficult time with the following question, "When are you just going to give up and move up here?!"
I understand this is said with love. I understand this is said because someone misses me.
That having been said, it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want to scream sometimes, because you only have one person to miss. I have a bucket load. And if I were to move, I would have another bucket load here and there that I would miss.
It is hard... for everyone... but realize it is hard on me too. Don't think that I am not praying for the chance to move away, I am. But I get the same thing: stay in Cedar. So, I stay in Cedar. Staying in Cedar is one of the hardest things I have ever done, because sometimes my heart misses everyone all at once, and I don't know what to do about that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes distance hurts.
Though, I can see many reasons why I have been told to stay here. I am glad I have listened. I am a stronger, better person for staying here. There are still people here who I need, and some who need me too. It isn't fair anyway you look at it. But it is happening. That does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I don't wish with every ounce of my body to be somewhere else.
I have a so many people whom I consider to be family. I have pockets of people all over, and I love them, with all of my being. I wish I could be in every place at once.
Anyone have a teleport?
I live in Cedar City, Festival City USA.
And I like it here, I have no rhyme or reason to this, I just do. It feels like home to me. It is quaint and quirky and weird. And I love it.
Cedar and I have been through a lot together. I have lived in many places here and for many years. I have had some of the greatest times of my life here. I have also had some of the darkest times of my life here. I have had the opportunity to get to know so many amazing people here, people whom my life would be incomplete without. I have also lost people here.
But here is what is so hard to swallow: It is far from so many people whom I dearly, dearly love. I want everyone to understand that this post in no way is to sound ungrateful for the people who also live here, because I don't know what I would do without them either. I mean that.
It is 252 miles from Cedar City to Salt Lake.
It is 274 miles from Cedar City to Layton.
It is 403 miles from Cedar City to Spring Creek.
It is roughly 550 miles from Cedar City to KaeLee.
It is 1,025 miles from Cedar City to Battle Ground.
It is 1,030 miles from Cedar City to Canby.
It is 1,551 miles from Cedar City to Madison.
I could thrown in a few other distances there too.
But the point here is, in this week, I would have given anything to be in any one of these places. It is so hard to want to be in all of these places at once. It is hard to miss all of these people at once, sorry you salt lake people got lumped. I would seriously give anything to hug the people in each location right now.
I want so badly to be there when things are sad, when things hurt. And right now, there are a lot of things that hurt. I cannot be. And that hurts. A lot.
I have had an immensely difficult time with the following question, "When are you just going to give up and move up here?!"
I understand this is said with love. I understand this is said because someone misses me.
That having been said, it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want to scream sometimes, because you only have one person to miss. I have a bucket load. And if I were to move, I would have another bucket load here and there that I would miss.
It is hard... for everyone... but realize it is hard on me too. Don't think that I am not praying for the chance to move away, I am. But I get the same thing: stay in Cedar. So, I stay in Cedar. Staying in Cedar is one of the hardest things I have ever done, because sometimes my heart misses everyone all at once, and I don't know what to do about that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes distance hurts.
Though, I can see many reasons why I have been told to stay here. I am glad I have listened. I am a stronger, better person for staying here. There are still people here who I need, and some who need me too. It isn't fair anyway you look at it. But it is happening. That does not mean I love you less. It does not mean that I don't wish with every ounce of my body to be somewhere else.
I have a so many people whom I consider to be family. I have pockets of people all over, and I love them, with all of my being. I wish I could be in every place at once.
Anyone have a teleport?
Laterly
I have a ton of things to update you all on. I wish I had pictures for these things, but alas.
Three weekends ago I went camping with Jo and Trevor, and Jo's family in Zions. I had a blast. I was especially grateful to get to know Jo's sister Andrea a bit better. I love trevor and jo too, they are like the best.
I am now a triathlete. No, you did not just read that wrong. I am, in fact, a triathlete. Last weekend, May 28, I participated in a triathlon put on by my dear, dear housemate Chelsey's family, the Greenwood Triathlon. I am glad I did it, mostly I am glad I felt budom-ed into doing it. People keep asking me what my time was, when I tell them, they say something to the effect of, "Don't feel bad..." Guess what people, I do not. I do NOT. I did a freaking triathlon, probably in worse shape then I have been in in my life. And I finished it. You and your, don't worry about your time comments can stick it. Please and thank you.
Three weekends ago I went camping with Jo and Trevor, and Jo's family in Zions. I had a blast. I was especially grateful to get to know Jo's sister Andrea a bit better. I love trevor and jo too, they are like the best.
I am now a triathlete. No, you did not just read that wrong. I am, in fact, a triathlete. Last weekend, May 28, I participated in a triathlon put on by my dear, dear housemate Chelsey's family, the Greenwood Triathlon. I am glad I did it, mostly I am glad I felt budom-ed into doing it. People keep asking me what my time was, when I tell them, they say something to the effect of, "Don't feel bad..." Guess what people, I do not. I do NOT. I did a freaking triathlon, probably in worse shape then I have been in in my life. And I finished it. You and your, don't worry about your time comments can stick it. Please and thank you.
I spent the rest of the weekend with a bunch of other people whom I love dearly. Mindy, Trent, Rachel, Brandon, and Adam. Seriously, some of the best people in the world. Saturday night, we had a bbq at Craig's and then a stellar dance party at the Gaybors, who are also fantastic. Sunday Trent and I spent a lot of time talking, which was nice. Then we went to his family party, where we were joined by Adam, then it was off to a movie with Rach, Brandon, and Denice. Overall, good times. Monday, we went to lunch, then Trent and I went to the Janelle Monae concert, it was super wonderful. All of it.
I love the people I have in my life. Just so you know.
This weekend I decided to make no plans. I feel like I have consistently been busy for the past month, and while I would not have given up anything I have been doing, I am super grateful for the chance to just relax and not have to be somewhere. I have slept in, caught up on chores, bummed around, and have loved every moment of it.
This was a very boring blog.
Sorry about your expectations shattering.
Hypocrite
Dear Blog World, (Really... anyone who actually reads this)
I have a confession. I am a terrible blogger. Mostly, I like to blog-stalk the crap out of you all, and not return the favor by posting interesting things. I am sorry about that fact. I would promise to do better, however, I do not see that happening any time soon. I once had this idea that I would take one day a week and write a ton of them, then post them randomly... apparently, I am motivated. Obviously.
I am a hypocrite.
Xoxoxo,
Brittni
I have a confession. I am a terrible blogger. Mostly, I like to blog-stalk the crap out of you all, and not return the favor by posting interesting things. I am sorry about that fact. I would promise to do better, however, I do not see that happening any time soon. I once had this idea that I would take one day a week and write a ton of them, then post them randomly... apparently, I am motivated. Obviously.
I am a hypocrite.
Xoxoxo,
Brittni
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